Was chatting with Stacey last night, and realised that our relationship hasn't changed much, ne? *gryn* We still jabber excitedly about our favourite books and music, and do everything short of blatant arm-twisting to get the other party to try them. We swopped fic reccomendations for HP, and revelation of revelations! She likes D/G! (But doesn't care much about slash. Boohoo. But she let on that Rhysenn, who wrote Irresistable Poison, is Singaporean. ^_^ Didn't know that.) We've known each other since, let's see, Primary 2, so it's been 8 years! Granted, we haven't really had one of those heart-to-hearts that seems to be expected of most long-time-chick-relationships (so sue me if I stereotype), but we are always able to pick up from where we left off, ie, there's never any angst over "we've lost touch and it's so awkward, oh no!" I don't know why, but one of the most vivid memories I have of her, is her (past) ambition to be an interior designer. Uh huh, I have no idea why I remember -that-, out of all the different memories. -shrug- The brain is a très funny thing.

the rain last fell @ 05:20 p.m., Sunday, December 15, 2002

My grandma's been in hospital these few days, to undergo knee-cap replacement surgery, because she's been having more and more difficulty walking. The Mother insists on me visiting her every day (which I don't really mind), but what really gets my goat is that she expects me to only visit my grandma and stay at home the rest of the time. Wth?? You only get get the post-exams-par-tay period once in your lifetime, man! What am I supposed to do at home, knit?! *spit*

Ear candy today:
I'll Be Home For Christmas || Doris Day
The Folks Who Live On The Hill || Arthur Prysock (song written by the wonderful Jerome Kern)
zhi shao zou de bi ni zao || Candy Lo
Maybe This Time || Liza Minnelli
Send In The Clowns || Barbra Streisand

the rain last fell @ 04:41 p.m., Sunday, December 15, 2002

There are so many I miss, so many I will miss.

the rain last fell @ 12:01 a.m., Sunday, December 15, 2002

Hey, I can't believe I got one of those EAGLES awards. for "Achievement, Good Leadership and Service" (I quote). Who cares, I get a 0 award voucher ("award voucher"? For books, I hope. Cold hard cash would be welcome too.)I need money...as in, ready cash, not just lying in my bank account, whose balance my mom can check. Boohoohoo. =( I feel so juvenile.

EDS BBQ on monday wasn't bad. Met Huishan, TK, Jeremy, Vanny, Rui and Deb at Pasir Ris MRT (Deb later disappeared to her family chalet...and didn't show up for the BBQ. =S) Didn't know whether to laugh or cry over the Incident of the Chicken Juice aka the Incident of the Wonkily-Packed Chicken aka Who Had The Idea That Tupperware Meant Foil Container Plus Covering?? (Of course, it was poor TK who was carrying that plastic bag.) So, they transferred those chicken wings into another (genuine) Tupperware container, dripping "chicken juice" (well, not really) all over the MRT station floor. Interesting.

Went to Delifrance for lunch, with the exception of Vanny who disappeared to a CD store and came back with a Malaysian mag because it featured Jerry Yan (whom she cooed over whenever she had a spare moment.) Tried a quich Lorraine, and nearly choked, trying to suppress laughter at a mental image of TK (who looks suspiciously like Prof. Snape, with his pasty complexion, floppy dark hair and tortured-sleep-deprived look) with mashed potato on his nose. I nearly throttled Rui because she asked oh-so-innocently (my foot!) "Why does your shirt have a dip in the middle of the neckline, ah?" (I'm flat, ok? I admit it! Grah.)

Then, of course, we went shopping for the rest of the food, and it turned out that there were no marshmallows! What a calamity! Vanny and I trooped to White Sands Watsons, Marks and Spencers and Tampines, before ascertaining that Watsons' marshmallows were the cheapest. .99 per pack! The big BBQ-able kind too! (I feel so ah-soh. Argh.)

It was threatening to rain by the time Vanny and I arrived at the park to meet up with the others. (Oh gooshe, you couldn't begin to imagine the puns they made on my name. Adoi.)Jeremy and Zhi struck luvverly duelling poses on top of the BBQ pits(no, not on the bit where you actually cook the food la.) and I hope Rui got the pictures of them. ^_^ Zhi, Rui, TK and I went off to collect people at the MRT station, while Rowell, Shan and the others stayed behind to start the fires.

We got there really early, so they bought some stuff to nosh on, and we kia-kia-ed the big makeshift market near the MRT. Mei Wei was the earliest to show up, and she had 2 of those little plush red strap-on hearts from IKEA, and this lovely big one for me! As a farewell present no less, because "we're too glad to see you go, so we bought this for you" (I quote). Wah, thanks hor. It was -extremely- shnoogly, and Rui and Becky ended up scrapping with me, to hug it. Mei Wei then held on to it til the end of the BBQ. _LOL_) Thankew Mei Wei! (Ok, huishan also shared, but Mei Wei said "Don't thank her! She haven't pay yet, don't thank her!") Wenling and I ended up looking quite twin-like, thanks to our similar outfits. We agreed to wear home clothes and biiiig earrings, and in the end, we were both dressed in white sleeveless tops, blue jeans and the ubiqitious biiiig earrings.

Played capball for what seems like the first time in 189974527 years. Vanny was in her element this time, and she played and played and played some more. Did a wee bit of paddling, even though the sea looked...not very clean. Sat on the beach, got the seat of my pants -seriously- wet. >_< We took some photos (I need my own camera!!) and Rowell set off this bomb-thingy that scared the hell outta everyone. Roasted marshmallows (mmMmm ^_^) and "chui chui hai feng".

Went home early, around 9. Geez, I get tired too easily.

And I need to go shopping. Arrrrrgh.

the rain last fell @ 08:10 p.m., Wednesday, December 11, 2002

Yahahaha. Say what you like about my tastes, I'm just really happy that Christopher Lee finally got into shi da, and that Fann Wong kept her place (it'd take an earthquake to unshake her. And a bloody big one at that.) Jacelyn Tay got in too, all hail the 2 great beauties in Mediacorp! (If you have differing opinions, you're welcome to them. -placid smile- I am decidedly shallow about beauty. *drool* Cheeeeekbones.....Compleeeexion.....Chio.) ^__^ But Fann Wong rules, no doubt about it, no doubt at all.

Huang Biren won Best Actress, which made me squeal with glee, because my mom and I kinda got hooked on Beautiful Connections (Yes, I watch TV. A lot of it being in Chinese too.) Although I never watched bao zi dan, I like Li Nanxing (he gives off good vibes to me), so I'm thrilled he got Best Actor too. However, I have a bone to pick with Michelle Saram. Why? Because she is ugly and talentless. *bitch-alert* Anyone notice the striking resemblance between Ivy Lee and Michelle Saram tonight? I think it was just the lighting+make-up+Ivy Lee's weight loss. -shudder- Scary.

Chen Hui Hui got Best Supporting Actress, good fer her!! (Finally...) Last but not least, I was expecting the girl from Beautiful Connection to win the Green Apple Award. (Well, I empathised with her character, at any rate...)

That, was my ha'penny rant on the Star Awards 2002. Hah. Goodnight people, it's the EDS BBQ tomorrow, be there or be square
(I'm getting lamer and lamer. Au secours!)

the rain last fell @ 10:31 p.m., Sunday, December 8, 2002

Am typing this during the commmercial break. LEE MING SHUN RU SHI DA!!! WOOHOO!!! (^__^;;)

the rain last fell @ 09:45 p.m., Sunday, December 8, 2002

Call me slow, but I just discovered this games website. It's so cute! And A Pocketful of Stars seems almost Gaiman-esque. -sigh- I love this site. ^__^

the rain last fell @ 04:58 p.m., Sunday, December 8, 2002

Why do the littlest always get bullied? Why do they always get squashed, trodden upon and mistreated? (I'm talking about toes here, you goon.) My mom accidentally kicked my foot yesterday, and my little left toe-nail cracked. Into two. (Ok, so it was preceded by my kicking of the washing machine..>_<")So now, my toe-nail is hanging on, barely but tenaciously.

I now have 9 and 2 half toe-nails. Go me.

the rain last fell @ 02:50 p.m., Sunday, December 8, 2002

It's almost 2, and I haven't had anything to eat yet. Not that I could choke anything down anyway, but hey, maybe I'll finally hit 48kg again! ["Dreams are my reality" and all that jazz]. There's nothing really very edible in the house. except Tim-Tams. [Resist the temptation!]

Why am I blogging at the unearthly hour of nearly-2-in-the-afternoon? Because I feel a need to rant, that's why. My aunt (the youngest one) and her husband are going back to the UK, after Christmas. =( They're gonna sell their nice apartment and go back. My uncle's from UK, you see, and although they quite like Singapore, they just prefer UK. That's fine with me, because it's generally agreed on in the family, that when I get my scholarship to study in the UK, I'll visit them once in a while, to ascertain the fact that I'm living and reasonably healthy. But, I'll miss the house, I'll miss the cat, I'll miss them! My dad says we -might- buy the house, if no one wants to buy it, but I think he's just saying that to placate me. It's so nice! It's in a private estate, and it's the highest apartment, on the 4th floor. There's a small pool, with a swing at the back. The house itself is spacious, but not too big such that cleaning becomes hell. I like the kitchen, it's neat and trim and more airy than ours. It's my ideal house, damn it! Then there's Sourpuss, resident feline, whom my aunt and uncle "adopted" early this year. (Well, it was more of she adopting them, really.) She's around 8 years old, a grand ol' dame of a cat, and looks really grouchy, because she's got a black patch of fur just beside her nose, which makes her look like she's squinting at you in a decidedly unfriendly way. But she's really sweet at heart, and my aunt and uncle love her. They don't think she'll like the journey to England, and the Chinese have a saying that cats recognise houses and not people. Debatable, yes, but they don't think that she'll make it, if she were to be transported to England. (Hey, she's about 56 in human years.) My mommy won't let me have her, because no one will be home during the day. (Quite true.) Therefore, I want my dad to buy the house, but he muttered something about it being on the highest level, thus increasing the possibility of a leaking roof when it rains (bullshit!), and that my mom can't make the walk up the 4 flights of rather-steep stairs, because there's no lift. (Bullshit! My mom says she can, weak heart and sack-of-potato-like-figure notwithstanding.) Then, the house is nice, I can swim when I want (well, they'll probably still nag like hell, but wth), and the cat can stay! I mean, she knows me, and my dad, and my mom's quite partial to cats, really...she can roam in the day, and come in at night, and we can leave her food out for her, in the gated area. What if the new owner hates cats?? Hasn't anyone thought of that?!

And how on earth am I supposed to spend 2 more years, in JC, without my aunt and uncle?? They're nice, and I bet out of the entire family, they understand me the most. (Yeah, well, I like them the most too) They're not irritating when they care, they don't fuss like the rest of the grown-ups, and they actually treat me like I have a mind of my own!

Even if they go, I'd at least like my dad to buy their house. -pout- Even if it gets filled with the clutter that follows my dad around, at least...it's a damn sight nicer than our house. And we get the cat. -nod- Grown-ups can be so blind, sometimes.

the rain last fell @ 01:53 p.m., Saturday, December 7, 2002

"Last night I dreamt I went to Manderlay again"

My HKMahjong software revived today! Revitalised by a round of mahjong, I feel much better. -beams at all and sundry- Slept my usual 12 hours, and did a little clearing. There's so much to pack! The Chinese stuff will go to Matt, the history to ling (there's only a few bits of notes left, which I found during the excavation of the scary pile on my computer table.) English to whoever wants it, and SS has gone to jia. My lit notes stay, except for the unseen papers, which are also with jia. Oyez, French will go to tian and melody. The mass of papers in my house is quite astounding. DHS kills a lot of trees, no mistake about that.

Found a lot of old books which I kupped from the library when they were throwing out condemned books. Loadsa biographies, of Virginia Woolf, Oscar Wilde, Noel Coward, Daphne du Maurier. I foresee a happy afternoon ahead, of mahjong and books.

the rain last fell @ 03:41 p.m., Friday, December 6, 2002

How did I get myself into this? Lit, I can teach, no prob. History, sure, bring it on! But SOCIAL STUDIES??? -dies- Yeah, I can do it, but I thought I'd never have to touch it again!
"But it's for a good cause. She's intelligent, willing to work, and dedicated. What more could you ask for, in a pupil?
Yeah...but...but...
"Anymore "buts" and you'll turn into a goat. (Sorry, I stole that from Enid Blyton, of all people. >_<") You've nothing against it, actually. You just don't like to think, after your Os are over. Lazy bugger.
Yeah, well...that is to say..oh heck.

Methinks I'm slightly loco here.

I'm going craaazy! I want so many things, I want I want I want! -jumps up and down- I'm becoming like bao and crystal!! I want unlimited credit so I can spend spend spend spend spend!! VCDs, CDs, books, clothes, jewellery...You see, being sick and unable to jump around and traipse malls and such makes me hyper. Oh dear. So sad. Veddy bad. [I rhymed! Look, ma, I rhymed!]

There are so many other things I want to do too...play mahjong, go swimming, walk along the beach...But now, my Frasier scripts await me (-anticipatory snigger-), so tata folks!

the rain last fell @ 08:23 p.m., Thursday, December 5, 2002

I blew 90 bucks at MPH today. Boy, did it feel good. ^_^

Before you start howling at my extravangance, might I point out that I earned that 90 dollars, from topping English, Eng Lit and Social Studies, a loooong time ago, when I actually studied. -melodramatic sigh- Ah the heady feeling of piling books in my arms til...forgive the gushing. I don't think I'll get the next year. =( A certain mugger-toad by the moniker of Chin Keat snagged my SS prize. -le shrug of les High-and-Mighties- ça n'importe quoi. The commoners need their excitement too.
Anyway, I made off with Coraline (^__^), the His Dark Materials trilogy, a collection of Gothic stories and some other knick-knacks. Geez, I want, no, I need an unlimited credit account. The MPH at Parkway doesn't accept vouchers for their music CDs and VCds anymore. -moue of discontent-

I think I've sorted out mymy's present, but I'm sick. Cold, scratchy throat, the works. HONK. I need to get better so I can go for the BBQ and go shopping...

the rain last fell @ 08:12 p.m., Wednesday, December 4, 2002

Been through grad-nite. Was OK. Watched Singin' In The Rain. Was slightly more than good.
-shrug- Nothing really fantastic.

Reading a lot, and filled with ennui. Don't even have the energy to laugh at dewey and esther's lameness. [Hey, laughing at lame jokes requires...energy. Yes, it does. I have a certain level of appreciation and tolerance, then fwoom. Buay tahan.]

However, I do have energy to drool over library@esplanade. Someone throw me a premium membership! Decided there and then that I hated MPL, because it has no CDs and music scores. AND the books at libary@esplanade all focus on performing arts (duh, Raining.) It just made me feel so deprived and arrrh..I have not even the energy to describe it either. Or try to figure out. Listened to a recording of Carousel, and was quite pissed when my mom wanted to move my cousin and I off. She just doesn't understand, that...that stupid plebian PMS-ing/menopausing woman (how am I supposed to tell the difference anyway? Pah.) I want I want I want!! Musical CDs (not only Carousel, but Sunday in the Park with George with Bernadette Peters, the original! And Oklahoma! and many many more...) Saw The Complete Lyrics of Larry Hart, and another version for Cole Porter. Manna. Heaven-sent manna. I'm bloody sick and tired of trawling the net for downloads and lyrics.

I don't want piano lessons, mother. I hate piano. I hate playing it too. I know enough, and I won't even try to "upgrade myself". I don't want to do that anyway. I don't care, I hate it. I hate practising. I want to act and dance and sing and write and do a million other things.

But most of all, I'll never do something, where the spotlight isn't on me alone.

the rain last fell @ 08:05 p.m., Monday, December 2, 2002

Damn. Don't think I can go for the prefects' farewell on friday. Why? Because it's just before the grad-nite thingamijiggy, and I refuse to get all hot and sweaty, before having to change into my dress. Eurgh. I'm not the only one either, most of the other girls weren't too happy about it too, methinks. Ai Ning already said she's not going, because her friends are going over to her house to prepare before it, and even told me not to go too, because "get all sweaty, don't look like princess liao.." I'm not going, although Melody and Clarissa both asked me to go...Would go if it's on another day, but nah, not on Friday. =S
Further updates on grad-nite outfit? Hrm, I've got a pair of beige strappy heels, and I managed to borrow a dark blue evening bag from my aunt. Just need to get a nice hairclip/band and c'est tout. Decided that wearing a necklace makes my neck look fat, as well as being quite redundant, seeing that the neckline is quite high, n'est-ce pas? Just the Rui earrings will do (ehehehe). (Poor huishan, had to bring the boxes to school for nothing. =S)Hrm, seems like nearly everyone is getting a formal I'm-a-prom-queen-wannabe gown. Fortunately, my table seems a bit more sober, and going mostly with a nice top-and-skirt ensemble. (Though Christine tells me they're going her house to do make-up. O_o. They're really pulling out all the stops, ne?)SO I'll either appear too informal, or too formal. Egad.

Registration turned out to be a breeze, after all. -blows raspberry at ailin-sempai-

Borrowed a new Terry Pratchett novel (Moving Pictures), 2 youth drama books, and 1 Gerald Durrell from MPL. Geez, I'm gonna miss the school library's collection of Gerald Durrell's books. =(

the rain last fell @ 08:44 p.m., Wednesday, November 27, 2002

I realised that I have the makings of a perfect Christmas card for Clar in my computer.
(I should dig more. 15 cards and absolutely no inspiration.)

the rain last fell @ 11:33 p.m., Tuesday, November 26, 2002

I finally found the D/H slash sites, and had a bawl of a time. (Yes, you heard me right. Raining just tried a weak pun. Argh. Damn slash.) After bawling my way through several angsty and surprisingly well-crafted fics, I feel much, much better. [Yes, I even cry vicariously. You have a problem with that?]

the rain last fell @ 11:04 p.m., Sunday, November 24, 2002

For all those who have had to suffer the ignominy of spewing Social Studies and the silly source-based questions--laughter is the best medicine. Got it off alanna's site.

Ah, I feel much better.

the rain last fell @ 07:27 p.m., Sunday, November 24, 2002

Crashed the level meeting today, then went shopping. Ruimin was in a bad mood, due to extreme PMS. Not that I've never gone through that(as a lot of people can testify), but..I do wish Jocelyn wouldn't antagonize her so much. God knows, I'm a complete bitch sometimes, and Becky puts up with me, but knows when to scream at me when it goes overboard. Becky, on the other hand, is usually quite civil with her level(s). She only appears stressed in front of -us-, you know, the comm, perhaps the Say people.

I still remember when we were agonizing over the present comm, trying to fit them as best as possible in a jigsaw puzzle, seeing who fit together the best. Perhaps, just perhaps, I still stand by our decisions, but I wonder if maybe we did wrong in selection and narrowing the field so -soon-. Perhaps, if we had looked more carefully and even trained others, there would have been more suitable selections, than just the few of them. Perhaps...we'd even have a totally different comm. altogether.

Enough crack melancholy, anyway. They came up with a plot which got Ms Chong's approval and I guess they did -some- work at least. I went to Orchard after that, with Huishan, Mei Wei and Wenling. Walked and walked and walked, while the chances of my getting the blue dress from yesterday grew bigger and bigger. Couldn't find a single nice, blue one. Black, black, black and more black, with the odd splash of pink and orange. *strangled sound* Was very very very tempted to try the crêpes they were eating, but I have willpower! I will lose weight! *koff* Really. Not going to emulate wanlin of course, but I admire her will-power. Hey, I'm taking photos in less than a week's time, I must try to avoid looking like a greasy toad!

Yeah well, in the end, we ended up returning to Parkway to buy the blue dress. It's actually a slate blue, only the inner layer is light-blue. *streeetch* Very tired. Was an interesting day. Realised I laugh the most when I'm with EDS people. It's quite sad, I wanted to stay a junior forever, and I dreaded the idea of becoming a full-fledged senior.
Now I just don't want to leave them at all. I quite dread the idea of leaving another comfort zone again, and moving on. It's always moving on and on and on.

the rain last fell @ 10:45 p.m., Saturday, November 23, 2002

I'm a wimp who can't tahan shopping. *cowers* Which is why I love bookstores, because they don't require that much walking, and you can just mooch around and read to your heart's content, provided it's a nice generous store like Borders or Kino. [I still prefer Borders. Perhaps it's the staff uniform.]

Anyway, back to my self-belittlement (shades of Mao and self-criticism!) Hrm, went for the EDS orientation-souvenir-making thingy today. Err, I have just confirmed what I knew last year: I can't make stars. It eludes me, that firm pinching of straws and folding, squeezing, jiggly-manipulation of straws to form pretty stars. So I did some lettering, a bit of sticking and some clearing-up (Raining, you slacker, you). Becky, Jeremy, Alex, Jerald and Simone came back too. Was really nice to see everyone again, especially the Sec 1s. ^_^ At the end, Rui, Zhi and Clar did AM to PM, and poor huishan looked so disappointed when she came back and they'd finished. Poor dear ^-^;;

Then, Wenling, Mei Wei, Huishan, Ying Chian, Deb and I scuttled off to Parkway to graze/noosh/chow-down. (Depends on who you are, you see). I seriously think my capacity for food has gone down. =( Never mind, I'm not growing vertically anymore, so that's a good thing. They tried the ol' chilli-ketchup-ice-cube thingamajiggy, but erm, I'm dumb, not imbecilic. Not yet, anyway. ^.^; Oh ya, that leads us back to my earlier self-belittlement. We went to gia-gia for clothes, specifically The Dress. As mei wei says, I'm quite picky with clothes. Having to follow the colour theme of blue isn't that easy either. >_<; We found one pretty dress at Princess though, or rather, Huishan was the one who spotted it. It's really not bad, a long two-piece light-blue dress. It's a colour that Vanny would wear, methinks, almost sweetish. More than that, it fits. Do you know how difficult it is to buy something that fits perfectly? (Whoops, overdose on the italics there.) The inside piece is a spaghetti-strap long dress in light-to-medium blue (I believe you would call it shading?), and the outer piece is sheerer, in light blue, with this funk-ey ribbon contraption at the neckline. (Methinks my description of les vêtements has reached a new low.) For , it seems quite a steal, and the um, overall reaction seemed favourable. However, I'm keeping my options open and will be trawling Orchard tomorrow with Huishan and Mei Wei, and perhaps the rest. If I have fate with That Dress, then it shall be The Dress.
(I'm getting so lame, I will be crippled soon.)

Anyway we walked and walked and walked, even though Parkway ain't that big. We tramped everywhere, even Courts and Cold Storage (rather interesting). Wenling had to go, then Ying Chian. MPH is all re-organized and I didn't realise how much til today. >_<; Not bad, except that the comics section eluded me, and it hasn't improved one whit. Gah. Mostly Garfield and a few Calvin and Hobbes, with nearly everything wrapped up. Geez, when I went to Borders on Wed (before meeting the seniors), I couldn't find the comics section too! So I didn't get my dose of For Better Or For Worse, Foxtrot, nor get the chance to look out for a Heart of the City compilation. =(

I'm going shopping tomorrow, because I want the grad-night outfit settled. Shoes can be bought from the Bata near my house, which surprisingly stocks very nice strappy heels et al. Accessories, bag and the other floatsam and jetsam can be begged/borrowed, though I think that I'll just wear the Ruimin earrings, the dangly silver ones. Just worried that it'll look overly-formal, even though I just want a long dress now, because my legs should be classified under Beyond-Hope. I mean, Khai Yan and Yunxin are threatening to show up in pants (real threats, I mean) because they have no skirts, hate skirts, have always hated skirts, and will always hate skirts. (At least that's what I gather) It'd look rather incongruous if the table were to have both jeans and long skirts, ne? One cannot force others though, so I hope we all look vunderful, feel très bien and heck-care if the table looks schizo! There.

Oh yes, I have another stuffed animal on the bed now! Meet Boo, the Sea-Horse-Who-Looks-Like-A-Harmless-Basilisk. I kid you not. He's white with a pearly, rainbow sheen, has a shape reminiscent of the basilisk but actually looks really harmless and meek, and came to me courtesy of Deb, as my belated birthday present. ^_^ Thank you! As to why he's named Boo...wenling named him, and I think it's quite apt, because I kinda missed Boo Radley from To Kill A Mockingbird (I'm a sap. Bloody hell, I'm a sap!). (Becky and I were throwing lines at each other, from the Crucible today. The crowning touch was "Why do you come, yellow bird?", before we became hysterical with laughter). So, yeah, Boo's joining the raggle-taggle mob on my bed. Muhahahaha.

the rain last fell @ 08:10 p.m., Friday, November 22, 2002

Well, hello there. :) Raining feels extraodinarily mellow today.

Gah, that was lame.

But I -am- feeling mellow! I slept til lunch today, then went to the library. Got some fancy pen whatchamacallits to write in Mei Wei's autograph book too. Going to crash the EDS souvenir-making thingy tomorrow, I don't wanna rot at home! Plus, it's been a long time since my bright blue EDS shirt has seen the light of day. ^.^;;

Life is good. ^__^

the rain last fell @ 09:10 p.m., Thursday, November 21, 2002

*stretch* I haven't felt this happy for a long time. ^__^ Went to watch Harry Potter with ailin-sempai and audrey today, after A Maths paper. [Jasmine's in China. A very...Jasmine thing. Yah.] Went to Mos Burger, and saw Deborah there! It's been so long since I last saw her...4 years, or rather 3. Last saw her in Sec 1. She hasn't changed much, except that she looks even prettier and perkier than before (if that were possible.) Same big bright eyes, snub nose and a baby-face that screams "vanilla-ice-cream cheerleader!" (but without the bitchiness). We've both come a long way since our Ngee Ann Primary days, but she says I still look the same. *moue of discontent* That's not true! I do think I've changed!

Then we went to Swensens for ice-cream. MmmMm. Somehow managed to find space for one of those luscious frosted choc malt confections (gooshe, I really amaze myself sometimes.) I -do- count chocolate as one of the major food groups! ^__^ Then went to gai-gai a little, and no, my 2 dear a-squared seniors, I can -not- pull off a sleeveless outfit for grad night. Like, *pokepoke*, see?? Flab! It's a self-image thing la. I do agree with Dax, I've got flabby arms. >_<;

Harry Potter was very scrummy! Add that to the fact that 80% of the audience were (was?) Sec 4s after their last paper, and you get an appreciative, -vocal- audience. Ron had everyone laughing at almost everything he said ("Why can't we follow butterflies?!), and when he just looked, it was even bett-ah. The Quidditch match was uber heart-stopping, and the Bludger was scary. Screamed at Aragog and clutched the seats (yes, we can all identify with Ron, can't we?). Gushed over the pretty Emma Watson whose Hermione emoted almost as much as Ron. Daniel Radcliffe is more low-key, methinks. She was wonderfully touching in the Mudblood scene with Hagrid though, you could almost hear the collective "awww" from audience. Every time the camera focused on her, there were appreciative sighs, I -swear-. No wonder Jerald's so enamoured of her. Kekekekekekk. The bit where she hugged Harry and nearly hugged Ron was so...grin-inducing. Our theory is that Hermione likes Harry more now, (because he seems more intelligent and has more charm. Notice he keeps touching the girls' hands!) but will like Ron later (Book 4 anyone? Muhahaha.) Lucius Malfoy is beautiful in a chilling, evil way. Long pale blond hair with a -dark floppy ribbon-! *swoon* Really couldn't make out the "Avada Kedavra" he tried on Harry though >__<;; Tom Felton looked better this time, less Maculay-Culkin-ish. Arthur Weasley looked stockier than I expected, I thought he'd be thinner and smaller, like, slightly overwhelmed by his exuberent family. Molly Weasley had really thin lips! Thought she'd be generous in every sense of the word, and her voice a leetle bit shriller than in the movie. Ah, good for the howler though. ^^; Ginny Weasley rather fitted the role, she had a very baby-angel kind of face, methinks. Or perhaps it was just the regularity of her features, and the little snub nose. Dobby appeared too-ugly at first, but he got rather hilarious in the end, especially when he squinked at Lucius Malfoy to hint to Harry. Lockhart was sufficiently Lockhart-ish. The special effects were really good, especially having Harry in colour with everything else in black-and-white during the Tom-at-Hogwarts scene. ^_^ The story seemed a bit cut-and-paste of CGI and "episodes", but it was still magic, because the actors were so compelling and the effects extremely well-done. The clapping was scattered, but we had fun!

Don't worry, sempai, the magic's still there. =]

Saw a lot of people I knew, Jan Ee, Ramesh (I think) and 1 or 2 dunmanians...but no one I really knew. Some idiots kept going to the toilet during the movie, moving in and out. Some didn't even turn their hps to silent-mode! Bloody idiotes.

Sempai, I wanna go out!! I wanna go SHHHOOOPPPINNGG!!!!

the rain last fell @ 07:47 p.m., Wednesday, November 20, 2002

History and French weren't that bad. I was swearing and frothing mentally when I saw the essay topics, because there was no Germany! However, I could see poor ol' Neville Chamberlain in my mind, so I decided to do the question on WW2, my reasoning being that if I could visualize the actual page of the textbook in my mind, that meant I could remember all the words too. It worked! Everything came flowing out, and I was totally in my zone for the exam. ^__^ God was really merciful to me, and I quite liked my paper. I was exhausted, but glowing. (Oh my poor lit paper, I didn't like you at all...I'm so sorry)
(Why am I apologizing to papers??! The exams are making me go loco.)

French seemed abnormally short to me, and I gawked at the 1st long-answer compre, because I couldn't believe that I could copy from the text! At least, that's the impression the example gave me. So I merrily copied away. *whistles* I hate french when it's in-your-own-words. Particularly because I know very few words anyway. *scrunchie-face* Speaking of french, amanda messaged me "Good job well done if you've survived the Os without going bersek/bangin your head on the table/standing on the table and screaming" etc. I miss the way she spits out "good job, well done!" in her guttural tone. (Because if she says that, it's -never- meant as a compliment. Wakakakakak.)

One more paper, and then I go out!! =DDD happy harry potter tomorrow! In school u, but waddaheck. waddaheck.

Good luck to rui shan for the rest of your exams! Don't worry about history too much, they always moderate for a new paper. Don't worry! =]

Shall I go extra-extra on fri, for the orientation-souvenir thingamijiggie? See what ruimin says first la. Sim says the banner is very nice, even nicer than the one they did last year (which I thought looked very LOTR-ish and very nice ^_^). Go juniors!! ^___^

the rain last fell @ 08:35 p.m., Tuesday, November 19, 2002

Yeah. I managed to push EDS to the furthest corner of my mind today, and studied history. I can't say I was very successful, but I studied. Hope Germany and causes of end of war come out, or at the very most, causes of WW2 (which is already shaky). Or at most, I'll read my Cold War essay (which did pretty well, by Zully's standards anyway) and use it, even though she says not to do Cold War.

Harry Potter on Wed! With the seniors too! -feels a little bit better-

I'd give all my wishes, if you'd only bring dance back for them.

the rain last fell @ 08:32 p.m., Monday, November 18, 2002

What on earth is wrong with the comments-feature?? It shows every post as having the same 2 comments. Gah. *gives up*

Don't really feel like blogging. Heartsick, and in no mood to study at all. Whenever I stare at my books, I can't get in any history. My mind's just swimming with EDS. I know, there's no point "worrying my guts out" over this, as sempai said, because "it's /their/ fight", in a way, and I know it's their time to do something, I can only be "the backstage crew".

But that still doesn't make me any less heartsick. After seeing everyones' reactions (well, the EDS people I've been in contact with since last night anyway), everything's just a horrid horrid shade of grey, the worst kind ever.

the rain last fell @ 05:50 p.m., Sunday, November 17, 2002

[This is just a post so that the comments features for the last one will show up. My HTML is a bit wonky at the present, so excuse the interruption. Now, please scroll down. =] )

the rain last fell @ 11:31 p.m., Saturday, November 16, 2002

Comments feature a bit wonk-key. Esther, please help me!! (HTML-idiote here)

I know, I know...long story. But the gist of it still remains the same: dance is being axe-d because of budget, and CDS will get the sole funding. If we don't eat up a lot of money (look at our last SYF), and we've proved ourself over the last 2 (and only) SYFs (1 Gold 1 Silver), then we should be given a chance. If we can bargain so that the school gives us less, than why not? The school gains a good reputation without spending so much! Hey, they get the advantage, not us!
Similarly, for Dead Man's Play, it's our tradition. The people we hope to attract are Sec 1s, not teachers who've seen it before. Therefore, it's unfair to say that it's boring, because they're not the intended audience. It's all about perspective.

Please, if you do read my blog (Heaven knows why), if you're from EDS or even DHS, please, leave a note. I dunno why, but this axe-ing of dance and the Dead Man's Play, without giving us a chance to prove ourselves, is very unfair. If you have any ideas on how to make things turn out better, do tell me. *realises she sounds damn despo and extra, but what the heck. Desperate situations call for desperate measures.*

the rain last fell @ 11:10 p.m., Saturday, November 16, 2002

Damn you, DHS. I don't care, EDS is going to fight. EDS has to fight. If you're going to be so drastic and cut dance and the Dead Man's Play (well, dance being the bigger issue here), then, well, we're not going down without a fight.
I know, I'm not in comm. anymore. But wtf, I still care. If the juniors need/want help, I hope to be able to. Because you can't take away something good just like that. Bargains can be struck, compromises can be made. SOMETHING will come out, damn it. I hope they fight for this. Because dance -will- help EDS to grow. Don't let go so easily of something that is good. Don't.

It used to be "4 more days to par-tay." Now, it's 4 more days to freedom, and kicking the &*@#(^$& school's ass. Damn you, DHS, damn you. I hate you, and may all the people who made this decision rot. May they never get promoted, and may they all have children without buttocks.

4 more days to freedom. Don't give up without a fight, damnit!

the rain last fell @ 11:00 p.m., Saturday, November 16, 2002

Oookay. I will hang on. I've only 3 papers left, French Compré Ecrite, History and A Maths 2. Sempai, I just raised the topic of a 6 o' clock movie with my mom, but she just grumbled that she was tired and would talk about it tomorrow. *mumbles darkly* Ah well...let's just cross our fingers and hope for the best. (To mellow her, I shall not call her "fat" for the next few days. Yep.)
(She is fat. Trust me, it's genetic. Pfft. Lookit me. Then look at her chin(s). This is sad.)

Had tuition today. I think I can handle A Maths, and the first question in my Paper 1 -was- correct! I just think kel-daddyl and sempai don't know how to use my calculator..because I could get the answer. *wrinkles nose*

Kel-daddy very the-not-gentle. *the squinty-eyed glare* I hope that you have many many daughters who have long and tangled hair! There! HNG!!(My hair is traumatised. Pfft.) Had some Every-Flavour Chocolate Beans, which look rather like mini soup-dumplings if you ask me. ^^; Ooh, and a very nice Chocolate Frog, arigato sempai!~ (Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, CHOCOLATE!! Muhahahaha.)

I can do this. 3 more papers. Not very bad papers. It's possible.

But I think my first french essay is now beyond-hope. The more I think about it, the more depressed I am. There goes my most-confident A1. No professor in his/her right mind would think that that was written by an intelligent French-speaking student who is capable of a pass in French. How much can my other essay save it anyway? Plus, I need French. I'm only using E Maths, English, Chinese, French, Lit and History. My English is pretty much screwed because I have this stone-in-gut feeling that I wrote an insipid, inane and completely irrelevant essay. Compre wasn't difficult, but I'm not 100% confident of getting above 20, or even 19. Although oral was smooth, how high can teachers from other (probably rival) schools give to me anyway? Social Studies, as evinced from my earlier smoking-at-ears entry, didn't exactly make me a happy l'il camper either. It wasn't at all like the Specimen paper! Bloody MOE. Bitchy MOE. *@(&$%$&*@^ MOE. (Gee, witness how SS fills me with overflowing love for the country and its education system.) Since it goes towards half my History Elective mark, I can only pray for a leniant marker and a miracle. (But we all know what happens to bad little girls who fail their Social Studies don't we? They end up failing an important Humanities.)

Literature was enough to make me bawl, because I don't know what on earth will happen to me. An A1 looks a bit further it should be (I'm Raining! I'm supposed to do Lit, damnit!). My paper wasn't at all brilliant, in fact I was just tired when I finished it. Just plain drained. No exhilaration at a good paper at all. I don't want to see Mrs Vora if I don't get an A1, because I'll be too ashamed of myself. I suck, I can't even do a teacher who's spent so much time and guidance on me proud. First PESA, now this. I suck.

I'm too demoralised to go on. The rest of the papers were better, but I still see no obvious A1 in the near future. What if I can't stay in HC? I think I can make it in for the first 3 months (hey 7 points...can right? =X) but what if I can't stay? Sempai said "let's not go there" but I...

Then what will I do? I don't want to yank myself out, and have to go somewhere (Oh the ignominy of it all. I don't wish to end up bawling my eyes out in front of the whole 2002 Sec 4 de ming population either.)

-cries-

the rain last fell @ 09:12 p.m., Saturday, November 16, 2002

*Rui and Raining are muttering darkly to each other*
*mutter mutter mutter*
"AND THEN WE'LL TAKE OVER THE WORLD! MUHAHAHAHA!!"
*Sudden loud outburst scares quite a few people near them. They resume looking shifty.*

*koff* Sorry. I just had to write that down "for posterity", as I've been chanting all day. I think we pulled that one off rather well, n'est-ce pas? Muhahaha. And Becky was very funny today! She eagerly admonished Rui, "Oy, I "chope" you first ah, don't go to any other senior for notes!" Gee, and I thought it was the other way round too...*gryngryn* Oh, I miss you, dear zhu3 xi2 da4 ren2, but I don't think I'll cry yet. "I'll cry tomorrow."

the rain last fell @ 11:01 p.m., Friday, November 15, 2002

Comment-thingamijiggie is up, mucho thanks to esther for helping me with it. : )

Erm, yeah, now my next task is to move it above the breaker. Erm, ok, don't laugh, I really have no idea how to do it. AIE.

the rain last fell @ 09:49 p.m., Friday, November 15, 2002

E Maths and Chem were all right. I mean, I'll probably end up with a B, or summat, but it wasn't as traumatising as the prelims, when I came out shaking like the proverbial leaf. In fact a lot of questions were recognizable, and I earned six marks through pure regurgitation of the Contact Process [Oh the bliss of not having to remember it ever and ever again!]

Oh, guess who's the daughter for the *ahem* evergreen Dead Man's Play? Who's gonna step into Vanny's shoes? (I -paraphrase- rui)Who's the daughter who's "pretty, feminine, child-like and able to pretend-cry at will?" Yep, it's Mei Wei. I'm sooo smart, I guessed it at once, but becky couldn't, muhahaha. I kinda miss rehearsals. No, make that I miss EDS. Full-stop.

Saw the juniors during the 4-hour break. They were dancing at the 4th level, AM to PM. *thumbs-up* SUD-SEH!! It's always wonderful to see them dancing, because I feel "we're not gonna die yet. EDS is gonna flourish, because we've still got People. People with a capital P man!". Heh. Heard it was the CNY dance, and yep, rui, zhi, yiwei, clar, tian, deb and huishan are in it. Huishan is very seh~~ As rui said, she's not a bona fide dancer, she takes a longer time to learn. But ah, there are those who can look good, and those who can look veddy veddy good. Sigh. What to do, when God gives you Legs, a Figure and the ability to Look? Rui and I were also moaning about how she could look so good in jeans while we have difficulty buying ones that don't...overemphasise our flaws. >__<;; All in all, the CNY dance looks like it's in good shape. Was nodding along with the song, it's damn catchy! Clar, Tian, rui, zhi, yiwei are veterans and old hands at this, they can pull off a school performance in their sleep. I guess if huishan continues working [oh man, she borrowed knee-pads to prac turning? Fwah. O.o], she'll come out looking very well, and deb will be a nice, solid addition to dance if she continues to prac. If deb and huishan stay calm, they'll turn out just as fine as the others. =D Go EDS!!

Took some photos, but I think I smiled horribly in them, so eurgh. The ones I took of them will look nice though, the poses are...*gryn*. Corny la. Thus, I distracted myself for 2+ hours like that. Just skimmed through my notes before exams.

(I used to be like that, you know. Dressed in bright blue, sweaty and happy. Yeah well, I got called by the big TYS in the sky. Then, after proving that I'm literate, semi-intelligent and organized enough to marshal facts into a rambling essay, I'm gonna leave, and prove myself in an even bigger place, and then an even bigger one. I wonder if I'm going to be happy, but I know that these images will just fade til they won't even be memories anymore, just shadows of shadows of memories.)

Yes, Raining's a bit angsty and sad today. She wishes she was Sec 3, newly-starting out, and with a whole year ahead of her. She wishes and wishes, and tonight, she's just a mite sad, about what has been and what might have been,so please excuse her if she suddenly breaks down. She feels that she's rather earned it, thanks.'

Vous me manque.

the rain last fell @ 08:16 p.m., Friday, November 15, 2002

Testing comments feature. *crosses fingers*

the rain last fell @ 08:56 p.m., Thursday, November 14, 2002

My 1st french essay is terminally screwed. You hear? As in uberveryextremelybloody screwed. I wrote "My sister had been attacked by a snake. I was afraid, but I called the railway."

Yes, I called the railway because my sister got bitten by a snake.

*howls* HOW STUPID CAN I GET??!! I thought I hit the bottom of the pit during french class, but this confirms my suspicions: The less I talk, the bett-ah.

Argh. SNCF. I called the Société Nationale de Chemin de Fer, when I should have just called "un ambulance". It's the same in both languages! *dies* What's more, Crystal had asked just before the exam what a "chemin de fer" was. *curses*

I miss a-squared. Or rather, I miss being together with 'em.

the rain last fell @ 08:21 p.m., Thursday, November 14, 2002

Compré Orale was fine. As far as I know, I have only 1 mistake so far. -phew- Still "got chance". It was a bit shorter, because it's the first year we're doing the 30-mark paper, instead of the 38-mark paper. Geez. Ironically, I'm most confident of getting an A1 for French, of all my subjects. Even for English, English Lit, History and SS...just thinking about it makes me wanna howl. (With rage that is.)

Je rêvais de L'Homme demain. J'étais heureuse. Puis, je me suis réveille.
Il était un bonne rêve.

the rain last fell @ 12:26 p.m., Thursday, November 14, 2002

I dumped my Physics with relish. Muhaha. Muhahaha. Muhahahaha.

*wipes mouth daintily* Sorry, the thought of dumping this subject for-evah and evah just excites me no end. *cackles again* Physics today was so much better than the prelims, I could have fainted from relief. The last question, 12OR was so easy, I kept checking the paper to make sure I didn't miss out on any bit. Again, I'm not gonna speculate about the bloody grade, but I think I can pass, maybe even a B. =]

Compré Orale tomorrow. Wish me luck, because I hope to get at least 32-34 over 38!

the rain last fell @ 08:30 p.m., Wednesday, November 13, 2002

Was fiddling with some comment-feature but I think this can stay as it is, for now.

A Maths was...ok. I know I made some mistakes and probably lost quite a few marks, but a lot of my answers tallied with Huiyis', and I understood the paper, so...yeah. *shrug* I think I can scrap a B.

And the germs are drowning. Slowly, but I am whacking germs left, right and centre. [Sorry, that was the Physics talking. Everything's blurry now.]

the rain last fell @ 08:29 p.m., Tuesday, November 12, 2002

Oh bugger it all. I'm sick.

[I am going to moan. If you're the faint-hearted kind, please stop here. Do not proceed.] *MOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNN*

Well, at least E Maths was OK. *Thank heavens for little mercies* There's still so much to study for A Maths, but I think I'll just look through my A Maths Specimen Paper, Prelim paper and the TYS.

Must.guzzle.water.Drown.bloomin'.germs.Die.Die.Die

the rain last fell @ 08:06 p.m., Monday, November 11, 2002

*yawn* It's such a nice day for sleeping, don't you think? So coooooling...I've done so much E Maths for the past month or so, I'm filled with a tinge of ennui right now. *slaps self* Musn't be complacent.

What shall today's playlist be? Hrm..how about velvety, smokey voices? MmmMm. ^__^

Earcandy
The Party's Over | | Doris Day
True Love | | Bing Crosby & Grace Kelly
Sooner or Later | | Jane Krakowski

Must stop waffling in blog and write something of substance. [as if you could]. "Waffles are nice and sweet, but they're not filling, just empty thingamijiggies."

I still think I screwed up every humanities paper that I took.

10 more days to freedom and par-tay

the rain last fell @ 08:06 p.m., Sunday, November 10, 2002

Do you know how much I long for a credit card right now?

All the items sandcat linked are droolsome. You know my ultimate wish of living in a little cottage in England with a good friend or 2 with loadsa books and booksales around? Well, add a collection of CDs like that to that wish.

*pout* I want CDs.

the rain last fell @ 07:45 p.m., Saturday, November 9, 2002

Oh all right...*raises arms* Review!

I liked the Chinese papers. *gryn* I really did. The functional writing was plain regurgitation of my prelim piece, and the essay was brainless. Yeah. Ok so I won't score wonderful astronomical high-high-high- marks, but it was relaxing [relatively].

Hared off to the hall for French essay. Swore at the picture essay and decided to whack away at it anyway. I now have a sneaking sinking feeling that I put "Il était beau" instead of "Il faisait beau". Hrm. Hrm. The second essay was funfunfunfunfun! Why? Because I did it before!!! Muahahaha. Eat dust! It was a slightly-altered version of the 1999 letter, and again, plain-regurgitation of the advantages and disadvantages of country life. I threw in a bit of Madame's "comme" notes, because the topic I chose was "Write a letter to your friend telling her that you and your family have moved to the countryside. Describe your feelings on leaving, and the advantages and disadvantages of country life". I wrote "J'étais triste parce que je ne voulais pas quitter mes amies parisiennes. Mais ici, les hommes sont beaux comme les dieus et forts comme les Turcs! Je suis en l'amour!" Don't know if the grammar is correct, but the english squivalent would be "I was sad to leave my friends in Paris. But here, the guys are as handsome as gods and as strong as Turks! I'm in love!" Ohhohohoho. I'm -so- glad I read her notes. ^_^

The HCL paper 2 was also smooth-sailing. The cloze passage was so easy, I kept checking the front of the question paper to see if I had the one for Chinese instead! Of course, I know the likes of the competition I am against for this paper, so I'll just say that I quite enjoyed the papers and wish myself all the best. ^^;

French Listening Compre. Paper next week at seven-friggin'-thirty at Bishan. Let me point out the fact that I live in Simei. Now observe my horror at the unearthly hour at which I shall have to rise. Gah. I always was of the opinion that Cambridge is out to make a mockery of us all and make our lives sheer misery. Now, I have concrete proof. Hah! What do you say to that, messieurs-dames?!

the rain last fell @ 07:17 p.m., Saturday, November 9, 2002

Ooh-er. Now what's wrong with my counter? Reset itself after it hit a certain quota? Enh?
*shrug*

Let's see..

1.Attended my grand-nephew's wedding last night. *gryn* Yeah, you heard me right. Loads of my nephews and nieces are older than me, and I'm the youngest child in my generation on the maternal side of my family, so...yeah. Let's just say I collect many ang-paos during CNY.Ohhohoho.

2. His bride is from China. His bride is also very chio. I think she works though, she seems like the executive type.

3.My mom bribed me with new clothes and a new pair of shoes so that I would attend the wedding. ^_^; One dark brown blouse, 1 black blouse and 1 caramel-colour asymmetrical skirt, in lux material. Swiioosh

4.My mom also bribed me with a new pair of shoes, with pointy toes and ankle straps. ^__^

5.However, it's caramel in colour. They didn't have the black ones in my size, boohoo. =( Even this pair is size 9, but in a way, that's good because I actually have space to wiggle my (rather ugly) toes.

6.Am worried that she won't let me buy a new black dress and similar black shoes. You never know...she might just point out that she bought me new clothes very recently. Never mind. *crosses fingers* Shall deal with that after Os

7.Lusted over the chokers in the boutique, but decided not to push my luck. Then again, I have lusted over too many pieces of jewellery, only to forget about them after a day. *shrug* C'est la vie.

8.Went for tuition at MPL today with ailin-sempai and Kel-daddy. Oh, sempai has a new link!

9.I understand logarithms and bonding now, but I still know nuts about permutations and combinations. *dies*

10.I want to drink chocolate milk tea with coconut palm. Why does Keko not sell it anymore, enh? Don't like sago pearls, they're plain off-putting.

Ah...I don't think I can scrap up 20. 10 is enough. *gryn*

the rain last fell @ 06:58 p.m., Saturday, November 9, 2002

*wipes froth from mouth*
This rant-thingamajiggy is becoming a ritual, ya? Ok, the lit paper wasn't..bitchy. It just wasn't straightforward for lazy complacent l'il me.

And this is the last time I'll ever go through Boo and Dill before an exam, the very last time I'll read and re-read Scout and Dill's scene with the "babies" from a "misty island". No more Atticus, Jem, Miss Maudie, Calpurnia, Dill and Boo. Did Harper Lee have her own Dill whom she loved? (Did they ever get married in the end, Scout and Dill?) I probably won't miss Crucible as much. And yes, it's not like I'm going to dump the book into the abyss of my bookcase and never read it again [as if]. But To Kill A Mockingbird wasone of the best examples of a novel, of literature for enjoyment and study. To Kill A Mockingbird...has a special little place in my heart just there. *realises she's making a helluva melodramatic fuss but just doesn't care, damnit*

To Kill A Mockingbird: 2001--2002
Byebye.

the rain last fell @ 08:08 p.m., Thursday, November 7, 2002

Oh please please please...my A1 for lit, please, je vous prie. *fervently*
(Only now do I realise how much I will miss Mrs Vora's teaching)

Please...I can do it. I shouldn't be scared, because I'm supposed to -love- lit right? I do, really. It's difficult to be in Mrs Vora's class and not love it. But...

So why do I look like a de ming muggertoad who studies just for marks? I'm not so ugly. This is literature. I can't be so ugly as to fear this. I'm not.

the rain last fell @ 07:42 p.m., Thursday, November 7, 2002

Woah. *rubs eyes* *bit disbelieving*What happened to my counter?

Literature tomorrow. Ohhohohoho. *.^

the rain last fell @ 08:06 p.m., Wednesday, November 6, 2002

Oh, zut.

Please let them all believe me...argh.

Suay. Of all people, I met them today. (Argh...like, I had enough with the malay dancers and the jeremy-rumours..Thankfully, jeremy's nice and understanding. *whew* If not it'd be so awkward. *double whew*)

Ren.Yan.Ke.Wei.

Please let this be paranoia and nothing else.

the rain last fell @ 09:56 p.m., Tuesday, November 5, 2002

Désolée. That was my ritual post-exam rant. *clears throat*

'Neeway...will study JP & EP relationship, changes in Hale, crucible theme, fear, name for The Crucible.
As for my beloved TKAMB--the women, Boo, Hell, Dolphus Raymond bit, Atticus, mockingbird motif.
(Old stuff la.)

Current ear-candy:
Streets of London ||Cat Stevens
The Party's Over ||Judy Holliday from Bells Are Ringing
Make Someone Happy ||Jimmy Durante
One Boy ||from Bye Bye Birdie
Dance, 10, Looks, 3 || from A Chorus Line

the rain last fell @ 08:54 p.m., Tuesday, November 5, 2002

"pao4 tang1"
Why do people say "brew soup" when they mean "goner, finished?" Is there some obscure Singaporean meaning behind this? Eh?

A Humanities scholarship is pretty much pao4 tang1 then.Shall now brew soup

*realises how utterly crippled that sounded*

Social Studies source-based was a bitch. Didn't have my favourite 8-mark comparison-regurgitation of inferences question. 2 wonky comparison thingys. *BITCH* Fortunately, Venice came out for structured. Probably screwed that up too, the (b) question was wonk-key.

Do you know what a friggin' BITCH Social Studies is?? Gah. I'm gonna make a bonfire and throw all my SS books in (unless Wenling wants them, but I guess SS books are the same everywhere. No words of wisdom from Mrs Tan, unlike my history books and Mrs Zully. ^-^;)

And English..zut. Again, the misgivings about essay. If you're gonna point out the ridiculously-high 36 I got for my last essay, (which I angsted over, I assure you), let me tell you that I have never gone out of an English exam without thinking "uh oh...did I screw up that one?? NOOOOOO!!!!" *froths at mouth* I hate this. I hate Cambridge O-Level essays. Everything else was pretty much mundane, nothing bitchy, nothing freakishly easy.

Excuse me? I've never gotten anything less than A1 before, except for my very first (rather traumatic) brush with O-level English in Sec 1. So, my A1 please, thanks. *wrestles with Cambridge marker* (No, no, the person -marking- it. Yes.)

15 more days.

the rain last fell @ 08:01 p.m., Tuesday, November 5, 2002

Je "me périme nonchalantement" en français? C'est très utile, non? Je sais, je n'ai pas de bien grammaire, mais..voyez-vous, c'est -ma- vie et c'est -ma- monde, ici, n'est-ce pas?

C'est possible que quelqu'un de ma classe français peut aller ici. Mais, c'est la vie. Il y a toujours un risque, non? Et il n'y a pas quelque chose -très- scandaleux ici. C'est à vous, vraiment.

Je rêve. Je rêve des gens qui je connais, et qui je ne connais pas, sauf dans les rêves. Et il y a un homme...Qui êtes-vous?

Il y a un homme qui je voudrais connaître, qui je dois connaître. Qui-êtes-vous?

the rain last fell @ 11:46 p.m., Sunday, November 3, 2002

Help!! I vaguely remember seeing a picture of Death in a very nice dress in one of the Sandman comics, but I can't seem to find it! It's long sleeved and black. (Woah, astute). I can only find piccies of her in her black spagghetti-strap top, or the really elaborate costume(s). Anyone remember which comic it's from? Can lend it to me? Please??
*kowtows*

the rain last fell @ 11:33 p.m., Sunday, November 3, 2002

I saw so many de ming people today at MPL, which was kinda freaky. Ms Ling, Alyssa (whom sempai and kel-daddy refused to believe was only 14), Celine...Alyssa even messaged me to say that cheng yi was on the 1st floor O.o Right. The questions "How does she have my hp no?" and "How does she know I even know cheng yi?" pop into mind. Didn't see her in the end though. Ok, I got more chem questions correct today, and did some A Maths. ^_^ Must be more careful, really. I now have an urge to get VCD of My Sassy Girl. *cackle* Sempai, I'll help collect ang-paos at your wedding, but must make sure I have a seat! *you xi ke kan* (And my specs are fine the way they are, thanks)

Have quite decided on what to wear for grad-night. -Was- toying with veddy bright pink (Hey, I'll stand out, alright? It was just an idea anyway..*mutter*) but I've decided on the most slimming colour of all--black (ohohoho). I think there was a dress that I saw in Taka which I quite liked..it looks rather Death-ish. ^___^ Hm, maybe my memories of Death's exact apparel are rather wonk-key, but it does seem quite alike, except maybe not so funkily torn, ya? Two different kinds of material, the top (ie, shoulders and collarbone parts) being sheerer, a -leetle bit- like our waltz gowns. Then, a fitted bodice and a knee-length skirt that erm, flares? *scratches head* Not veddy good with descriptions here. *I'll just know when I see it!* Then, I'm gonna borrow sempai's unkh (enh?) and maybe I'll wear either the drop earrings jia gave me for my birthday, or the vaguely-cloud-shaped ones vanny gave me last Christmas. Shoes...argh. My ultimate dream is to own a pair of black leather ankle boots, with ultra pointy tips and a strap at the ankle. *droool* But sigh, big feet and chunky calves=not nice picture. Ok, ankle strap heels with pointy-tips? Enh, I don't know, the picture I have in my head now is really manga-ish. Like, a chibi-fied version of Death, only less..chibi. [Oh no, I'm starting to contradict myself. *brain fries even more*] Think a slightly more toned-down-funk-wise version of Death. (Yar, no eyebrow curl. A bit too gothic for a de ming DnD.)Think...frock. ^_^ Such a lovely frolicking-with-ba-baas word, yesh? Next, add black and slight touch of goth to picture (Jest a leeeeetle bit.) Tada!!

This is baaad. 2 days to English Os and I can't express myself coherently. *looks at above paragraph of gibberish* Right, after Os, must track down Elusive Dress. I can't remember where I saw it! Can't be in a magazine, which limits the field to Taka (which I've been frequenting quite a bit) and Eastpoint? Parkway? O_o Then, Boots/Whatchamacallit-shoes that fit. Borrow unkh. (Ankh?)

Last but not least--cut hair short, layer, show up on 29th and scare the hell out of people? ^^;

the rain last fell @ 09:48 p.m., Saturday, November 2, 2002

I'm so bored with SS...I want french class and our "furzeballs!!" (Really, really obscure inside joke..you had to be there and hear Amanda spit "Ooh, lookie, a furzzeball!" at the picture...)

I'm scared. I'm so scared I'll screw up, and get more than 8 points. That I won't get my A1 for History elective. I can't see straight sometimes, I panic. It's like the proverbial deer-caught-in-headlight situation, except that I'm not as completely stunned, more of runrunrunrunrunrun-dammit.

I didn't go to school today, because the Father said to go to my grandma's place and sleep. Ok, fine. Wish he'd understand that I can't sleep in the mornings, or I'll glut myself on Morpheus' dust and wake up only at lunchtime. (Which is why I'm in deep shit, schedule-wise.) So, the battle plans have changed. I'm gonna read read read, and make sure I cover all bases (read: textbook, Longman guide and Redspot book). Tomorrow, it's tuition at MPL.

I want to go shopping *repeats moany-whiney ad nauseum* I want to spend money and have prettypretty things. I wanna watch Harry Potter with Becky and the seniors. Trawling malls is so therapeutic. (But no, I hate it when my family tags along. Stop sighing when I take my time to decide! If you wanna be here, then shut up!) Wonder what to get for Jeremymy's gift? *Raining feels bad cos she didn't wish him happy birthday*

*Raining suddenly jumps onto chair cos a baby lizard ventured past her feet*

Ok, crisis adverted. The bloody thing has disappeared.

Where was I? Oh yes. Shopping. *feels good even at the thought of it*

the rain last fell @ 08:19 p.m., Friday, November 1, 2002

Physics prac was rather screw-wey. Somehow managed a negative gradient for my sin i over sin r graph. *Tock* A-doy. Never mind, as sempai says, there's still the main paper.

Sec 1 Worksharing has been postponed. Tien, that means your group must work hard, okie? *hugs* Take care, that cough sounds nasty.

French class today was even smaller. Loadsa "mush-mush" for herding les vaches ^_^ Called Ainsley my papa bear again today, and he showed his usual blur-oookkkk look ^_^ J'adore ma famille.

I want to go out. *pout*

the rain last fell @ 08:45 p.m., Thursday, October 31, 2002

Mug, mug, muggetty mug.
Panicked when my computer nearly died on me today. *Bad compy!* I'm a net-addict! Oh no! *si bu hui gai gryn*

Traumatised this afternoon by a cockroach, then by that Wenyuan. Yucks, come to think of it, both of them are equally off-putting. I do -not- appreciate having "Ay, give me an above-ten-mark answer if I give you this question arh" thrust onto me. Who the fuck are you to talk to me like that man? Ah well, can't help being an irritating creep, can you? Eurgh.You aren't even from my CCA and I certainly would think twice about even acknowledging the fact that I know you, so asking me a question about SS and expecting help within, oh, I dunno, 5 secs is a bit overboard, DON'T YOU THINK??!!?
*spews fire*

What an idiot. Never mind, I don't deal with fools. *dismissing wave*
Personally, the cockroach was a better alternative. At least it kept quiet.What nerve! Hey, I don't help just anyone who asks me for help, ok? It's my prerogative to refuse someone help, because -you- are the one asking me, not the other way round. Not happy? I "bu shuang" your face, you "bu shuang" me, I don't care. But I'm nice. So I bore the trauma all the way. Talked to tien a little. Xiao mei, take care ok? -patpat- Never mind, I won't go for the WorkSharing if it stresses you out, but try, do. Take care darling.

On the other hand, it's gonna be a sad day when I'm not special anymore. *sad sad moue*

Mug mug mugetty mug. Bye bye folks. Shall hobnob with my SS and Physics papers now.

the rain last fell @ 08:40 p.m., Monday, October 28, 2002

Oh dear...*cracks up again* Sempai, I promise I'll get everything correct when you test me again next week. Really, the only reason I kept mixing up iron and aluminium is because I rattle off without thinking...*cracks up for the 389174123th time today*

Is there such a thing as a laughter high? One should laugh as much as one can. Laughter is good for you! *waves pompoms*

Someone tell me what to study? Please? Tentatively, my plans are to do 1 chapter of SS everyday, covering the chapters I deem important. I'll also do 2 papers everyday for chem, and 1 for e maths. Don't panic, Raining. Don't panic. You can handle these exams, no sweat. Leaving Lit and History and French til later won't kill you. Nor not doing A maths for a bit.

My newest heroine is the host of The Weakest Link. (The singaporean version, that is.) As Amanda would spit, *Bitch!*^__^

the rain last fell @ 09:02 p.m., Sunday, October 27, 2002

The more I think about it, the more scared I become. Nonononono, don't drag me out of my comfort zone! Can't I just stay at DHS and I dunno, have private lessons. Enh. Scrap that, I hate our silver buttons. They're pernicky, finicky and irritating. (The only thing good about a tie is that it hides silver buttons.)

I dont't know what I want to do with myself. Whenever people ask "So, what do you want to be when you grow up?", I feel nauseated at the mere thought of giving a formulaic answer. The proclaimation "A tai-tai" has served me well, for quite some time now, and it's true that I wish to live in "the lap of luxury" (such a clichéd phrase) et cetera et cetera. But there's more. I want to do something with books. With writing. With performing arts. But I just don't know exactly what. I can write a little, dance a very little, act a little, sing a verververver' little bit. But little bits don't make big bank accounts! ('scuse the wonky alliteration)(*hums*"If little pets get big baguettes" *.^)
So tell me what I don't know. Answer my question, and for that, you shall get a thousand sacks of gold, a rainbow and my undying gratitude. Of course, you'd have to be abso-bloomin'-lutely correct first.
Who shall answer me, when even I myself am confused?

I..I want to be loved.

the rain last fell @ 10:26 p.m., Saturday, October 26, 2002

Waijia got 40/50 for Lit elective.
*has a silent fit of joy*

*cries from relief* She did it. She bloody did it.

This is Ms Yee's marking we're talking about here. I kneeeeeewit! I kneeeewit! Waijia only did so badly last time because she didn't use quotation marks and organize! If not for that, her essays are -solid-. *the Jun johnny-bravo look* I think she's probably as good as me. (Oops, no, that wasn't megalomania. Not intended, anyway)

I don't mind giving tuition...but I don't think I'm cut out for teaching in a classroom. Nah, I think I'll give MOE a miss. Ver' ver' ver' ver' happy with Wenling and Waijia's results though. ^_____^ (Oops. Jia told me not to reveal her marks, but it's mostly people she doesn't come in contact with that even come here anyway. Enh.)

Ah, received a fluffy pair of doggie slippers and a cushion from tian and rowell today. ^_^ Belated prezzies are fun!

the rain last fell @ 08:29 p.m., Friday, October 25, 2002

Wenling got 1st in class for English!! Woohoo!! ^___^ I was so scared at first when she came out of the auditorium yesterday, but it turned out that that was because she did badly for history. Then Celine was going "Go on, tell her, just tell la", and I thought Wenling's history elective marks were below 50 or something. Then Celine told me that ling topped her class in English! And this is the uber-competitive 3B we're talking about! I am a genius!
(Oh all right, so maybe it's more of her being clever and hardworking than my undiscovered brilliance.)

Pretty surprised she beat even Celine though (who got 2nd). I mean, Celine -was- my junior from Ngee Ann Primary after all, and she seems to be more comfortable with English than Ling. Ah sou, I'm ver' proud and pleased with Wenling. ^____^

Chemistry prac, however, was not so pleasing. I know it's at least 2 marks off for accuracy and 1 mark off for the redox question. Never mind, better than prelims (8 friggin' marks! *mutter*)Went for French class with Grace, where Mme. Faussat made the wonderful blooper of the day (for once)--"Be smart-street!"It's contagious!

Must dig out English essays that Mrs Zully wants to photocopy for her friend. *waggles eyebrows*

the rain last fell @ 09:29 p.m., Thursday, October 24, 2002

"You know you're really a gone case when you say "I'm not dumb!", then giggle."
-Quote of the day, french class.

Got my Humanities scholarship application form today. Yeah, I'm gonna -try- for it. 50 places. *howl*

Oops. Raining will now shut up and hide under a rock.

the rain last fell @ 08:36 p.m., Tuesday, October 22, 2002

*melts*
Isn't that one of the most wonderful Heart of the City comics you've ever seen? Musicals and Heart. MmmMm. ^_^

Must finish all that chem and e maths [and a maths] so I can clear all the questions next Sunday. There must be more to life than this, damn it!

the rain last fell @ 08:42 p.m., Sunday, October 20, 2002

I want to write something like Morning Breakfast. *sighs* Wait, even the title reeks of tautology. Never mind, it's my favourite. It's the least pretentious, and it's the most real thing ever I've written so far. The rest are all brittle, coloured pieces of glass thrown together, to form a showy, soulless picture, as if trumpeting "Look at me, I can write! I am literary, a creative spirit, look at me!". Ok, despite the inane title, I still like Morning Breakfast. It was written in church, after I finished teaching Sunday School. I even remember it just came to me, when I thought of a few lines Waijia wrote on her LJ, when she first started, something about maple syrup pancakes on Sundays.

I want to write again. Why is it so difficult? It's as if some invisible fantôme had stoppered up my pen with vitriol , rendered my mind a dreary grey landscape with only yews dotted in the distance and no magic left at all. Not one spark.

It's so scary. Does it mean I can't feel anything anymore?

Yes I can, I know I can. I know what fear tastes like, I can feel the bile rising up and every distinct labouring thud of my heart.

I just can't write.

the rain last fell @ 08:48 p.m., Friday, October 18, 2002

HC Open House was nice. Of course, that's if you exclude sempai screaming "Raining, you're so toot!" at me when she saw me. Well, I -had- to wear school U to school...and I think tucking out the blouse just looks weird on me. I have a long torso la. Go figure.

'neeways, besides being traumatized by sempai, Melissa led Becky and I around. HC looks quite nice and ver big! Met Ade, who forgot to bring my hist and lit stuff. *rolls eyes* Never mind, those can wait. Ailin intro-ed me to wenqi (?) who takes AO French and who's also in Humanities. O.o But no, I don't think I'll do that. I can't take another French exam!

Then, when I went down, mel and becky had lost me. (No, I did -not- lose them!)I saw Kelvin, dewen, esther and bryan also. (Wait, is his name bryan or brian? I always get mixed up...)Met Yiwen and her friends. Apparently Yiwen tells them about me. O.o Ooh-er.
(Well at least I'm no shrinking wallflower. Ohohoho.

Had arm gently twisted into signing up for this chinese camp thingy...enh? Then becky and melissa ate at the canteen, I swiped becky's fries, got ticked off, so I swiped melissa's instead ^_^ Oh, those who think that melissa looks like Luo Sheng Xiao aka Dr Luo from Zhen Qing, say aye!
AYE! =D

We saw loads of people there, as well as some RGS girls I saw at French before. Met Yihui and Teresa and we all talked away, comparing combis etc. Yihui was dressed in something I think only she could carry off--a spaghetti strap top, a short layered skirt, sandals and a large beaded (crystallised? erm, think crystal-looking beads =D) watch. She just wears it without any fuss, blissfully unaware that most people would look tacky like that. And it's because of her blissful lack of consciousness that she can carry it off with aplomb. I envy that kind of self-confidence. It must be nice to wear what you want without any fussing about other people. =S Teri also looked very pretty and grown-up in her dress. I feel so frumpy in comparison!! (I felt, and still feel. Hrmph.)

When we went back, yihui and tery both said that the seniors are very pretty, ie Melissa, Ailin, Audrey, Jasmine. Then there was the worry of both yihui and I getting back safely, because as everyone knows, we're rather direction-challenged. *gryn* Ok, it's actually because we're so used to taking cabs, we know very little about buses and MRTs. *makes a slight moue of thought*

I have to mug again. So sad! I think I'll do e maths and Chem again, because as becky says, picking up a SS book makes me feel sick

I want to play captain'sball.

the rain last fell @ 06:53 p.m., Friday, October 18, 2002

Oh no...Audrey's grandma has been hospitalised, so she can't meet us tomorrow.

Hope Becky and I can make it safe and in time. =S

the rain last fell @ 09:42 p.m., Thursday, October 17, 2002

Hola! Pin Guan's Ai Qing Zhuan Wan De Di Fang is ver' nice. Listening to it now...My classmates were singing it, and I caught on 2 minutes late, as usual =D One does not need to watch TV or listen to the radio. One can just be in 4K. ^^;

Went to French class again today. So fun! Got there early, and mugged again. Boohoo, I'm turning into a muggertoad =( It's 2 E maths paper 1s and 1 chem MCQ everyday, plus HCL tuition/French/Lit. Eeks. Then the class came in dribs and drabs..Anne and her friend were already there, then John, Ainsley, Alvin, Yiwen, Jun, Clarence, Amanda and Sonia...And both John and Sonia said our e and a maths papers were difficult! Hah! *vindicated* And John's from -TCHS-, where they're supposed to be really brilliant in maths. Sonia's so lucky, TKGS's papers are more straightforward, and they got moderation of 10-11 marks for maths...*groan*
I feel ill.

French class itself was funny. 2 RGS girls were there today, and Mme and us were at our *ahem* sparkling best. We must have seemed superbly dumb today. =D I just chirped "oui!" (pronounced "wheh" by yours truly) whenever i didn't understand. Mme. finally said "Melissa, il n'est pas possible être ennuyant avec toi!" Then she said [in french] "Melissa, I shall tell you a secret. There is a chocolate buffet at Fullerton!" Quite silly, after all, would -I- not know about it? ^_^; I'm supposed to test it, then tell the class all about it! (As well as sneak a little back...)
We are a crazy class. ^___^

the rain last fell @ 08:48 p.m., Thursday, October 17, 2002

I fell asleep at 8 last night. Is my body trying to tell me something? Aie, aie, aie.

Received a pretty pair of earrings from waijia today. ^_^ They're small, dangly and delicately pretty. Kinda like the drop earrings women wore during the Qing Dynasty. Kekekek. Thankew jia! ^_____^

I'm going for the HC open house tomorrow. Lit's cancelled, so I'm waiting for Becky, then it's off to Somerset to meet audrey at 12.45. Cool. =)

Okie. Dinner time. Byebye!

the rain last fell @ 07:59 p.m., Thursday, October 17, 2002

And to be totally irrelevant: Isn't dan dan from zhen qing the cuuuuuutest toddler you've ever seen?? =D I get an overdose of the fuzzy-wuzzies just thinking about his solemn cherub-face and black button-like eyes. And I know it's probably the dubber that's giving him such a childish, lilting pipe, but ah, such charm the kid has. ^__^

Soooo cute. He's utterly glomphable.

the rain last fell @ 10:09 p.m., Tuesday, October 15, 2002

Ah..French class again today, and the ubiqituous Paul-anecdotes. We -are- so cruel, but I guess the poor guy just takes it as part of his fate, ne? (Well, he -was- the one dumb enough to say M-dot-Yong. _LOL_)
Anyway, this was courtesy of Amanda, who takes tuition with him and Sonia. Paul got 17 points for prelims, and was considering JCs.
Amanda et Sonia:"So, Paul, why not consider Catholic JC?"
Paul: "No, I'll get molested!"
A&S: "...But you're a guy!"
Paul: "But Catholic JC has the highest abortion rates!"

*squeak* Ah I'll miss this bunch of madcap misfits..but then again, we aren't misfits. Not in this class, anyway. =]

Had tuition with sempai on Sunday, doing Chemistry TYS. *ick* Ok, I confess, I didn't study that much for chem prelims. So I'm desperately doing 1 chapter of MCQs everyday. Yuck yuck yuck. That one-more-subject-not-from-your-stream stupid idea better not affect me. I don't care what my fathead of a father says about "What can you do with Humanities?", I'm sticking to what I know I'm brilliant at. (And how I'd -love- to smack his head everytime he says that. How he ever got -me- as a daughter, I cannot fathom.)

I am Raining. I am brilliant. I will not let a Cambridge geezer or 2 get me down.

I am destined for great things.

the rain last fell @ 08:40 p.m., Tuesday, October 15, 2002

What I'd like -my- life to be too
Sounds so nice, doesn't it? Books, English countryside and friends in a nice little house. =X (Methinks I be a hopeless romantic)

the rain last fell @ 03:40 p.m., Saturday, October 12, 2002

Orale rocked. ^__^ I got "travelling" for conversation, which I'd gone through beforehand with darling Madame. All the questions were exact-bloody-likely the same. As in, word-for-word. So I pulled the usual I'm-really-blur-so-I-don't-dare-to-travel-much speech. It worked! Wakakakk. They laughed, and were really nice. GooT. Clarence also said that they were nice. Hmm...there is hope. There is much hope for my French A1.

On the other hand, I am -still- confused. =[

the rain last fell @ 07:41 p.m., Thursday, October 10, 2002

Alvin said "go where you want to go or else you'll just be miserable if anything goes wrong. If you go where you want to go, you have only yourself to blame, so you won't hate others for 'bad advice'"

TK said "i think you've already made a decision. But you just cant decide if it's what you really want yet so you're hanging on to believing that you dont know"

It's times like these that make me believe in the superiority of the male sex.
(But only at times like these.)

the rain last fell @ 09:45 p.m., Wednesday, October 9, 2002

(I'm scuttling off to do e maths after this.)

We played captain'sball again today. I am still rendered half-dead after the first five minutes of shouting, and still beg for a time-out when the bell goes. Yet I still like playing.
Something tells me I'm severely deprived.

Tomorrow is french orale day. Eurgh. Speaking of that, Mrs Zullikan thinks I should continue with my french. Can you imagine that? Either I go VJ (aiieee) or I continue the long trips to MOELC (pronouned "mwack" by Mme. Faussat). Such a hassle...She was being quite persistent about it, giving me her wrinkled-brow look, which means that she was being puzzled/worried/even irritated by my um, reluctance to agree that yes, it would be a great benefit and I -should- continue French, preferably at VJC. Yes, I wouldn't mind. But I neither wish to go to VJ nor travel to MOELC again (and if it's Mme. Aw or Lily Loy teaching. -ick-. No way, not even if you paid me.)

I dunno. I really don't. I made up a list of pros and cons for each JC today, in Molecule's class.

In the end, I still leant towards HC, even if I have to travel 2 hours a day ("Oh Lord, what fools these mortals be").

Mrs Zullikan agreed to write my recommendation letter-thingy if I apply for Humanities. Immediately after I asked, she said yes. Looked so serious, she did.

Don't let me disappoint anyone...this time, if I fall, I don't want anyone else to fall with me.

I be so cold. Comey back. S'il vous plait, comey back. I be so cold and sad. Comey back, s'il vous plait.
-paraphrased from Luce's pleas in The Claudine Novels.

the rain last fell @ 08:39 p.m., Wednesday, October 9, 2002

AHhhhHHhh!!Eeeeekkss!! [And all that jazz.]

Guess which lucky duckie got E Maths moderation too? ^___^

They moderated E Maths. For me, it was 1 grade up, so it's now a B3, and a l1r5 of 8!

Now, I think the results are finally...final. [That was lame, even by jeremymy's standards, I'd say]
English--84, A1.
Good good. Still can't believe I managed to hit 36/40 for the essay! *bless you, mrs grace bok*

HCL--73.75, A2.
Mr Kiw won't moderate. Ah heck, I've got Chinese A1. Hah! Hah! Hah!

French--76, A1
I could die from relief. =D It's this ginormous jump from my mid-year. *phewfft*

Physics--55, C5
I passed. =D

Chemistry--60, B4
Screwed up chemistry real bad. I was supposed to top or at least get something near huiyi and eugene. ={ Never mind, scraped a B4 after moderation.

E Maths--65, B3
Wahahahakakk. B3!

A Maths--50, C6
Thank goodness I did all that homework. He passed me. *faints from relief*

English Literature--88, A1
*bliss* 'nuff said.

History Elective--87, A1
Jumped up by 7 marks after moderation. Won't help my l1r5, but looks so impressive, doncha think? *.^

So there you have it, ladies and germs. Raining somehow tyco-ed and scribbled her way to an 8.

the rain last fell @ 08:11 p.m., Tuesday, October 8, 2002

Very Happy Day Today was a very good day, because it was my birthday!! ^__^ Birthday, presents, not one, but 2 happy birthday songs...^_________________^

Went to school as usual in the morn, was greeted with a pretty amber necklace (wait, it's called amber right? *blush* I think that's what you call it. I only know it's pretty ^^;) from tk and mymy ^__^ (in exchange for a S.H.E article, I feel ;p) Then, when I went down for morning duty [more like slacking], Pei Fen gave me a hand-made rose. Just like the past 2 years. ^__^ She remembered! So sweet...she actually found time to make the rose and buy the keychain, even when she's so ultra-busy. (She has to work to support her family and study for Os at the same time...she makes me feel so selfish and fortunate at the same time...*howls*)

Anyway, today not day for tears. ^^;; After those, we played captains'ball at recess! ^__^ Long time since I played it...Ok, I'm not of much use after 5 minutes, thanks to non-existent stamina, but ah, it's so fun!!!! Then, during class, Happy Birthday 4k style! *.^

Then...oh yah. Vanny told me during recess to stay in class *heaves big sigh* So I did. With her pushing me back into my seat every 5 minutes, because I wanted to scoot. Thank goodness I didn't! Because the Sec 1s came trooping in! Like, this big group just popped up in front of 4K's window, then sang my 2nd happy birthday of the day! ^___^ Ok, that wasn't the bestest bestest part. Yee Tien came in with this biiig white thingy with my name, so I thought "enh? Styrofoam with my name on it? Cool." Then when I opened it, it was this big big biiiig card, the kind we last got for...ms tia and ms chua last year for farewell. Yeah, -those- kinds. ^___^ And, a pink angel-bear, the shnoogable kind ^_^ (I -like- pink. ^______^)

Ok, tien, u wanted ur name in bold, right? ;p So here goes. The bear and a really corny badge were from Yee Tien, Ang Hee and Eunice , the ginormous and beeyootiful card from the entire sec 1 level. *cloud 9* And..because I think it's useless for me to blabber on, I'll just end this with this, taken from The Big and Beautiful Birthday Card ;p

(A "dearest diary" extract, to tell me just how difficult the biiig biig card was to get. ^^; Everything has been copied ad verbatim, abbreviations et al)

"4th Oct 2002

Dearest Diary, wow, todae was the most hectic and tiring dae man. B'coz our senior's BD is cumming, we decided to buy her a nice big giant card to surprise her. So after school 2dae, we went out to look for a nice, big, giant card. Here, our quest began. Actualli, it began yesterday. We went to Tampines Mall to search its shops for the ideal card. Sad, none at all. Next we went to White Sands at Pasir Ris to see if we could find ani. 2 hours yesterday. All we found--A3 cards. NOT BIG ENOUGH!! >.<'' Back to 2dae, aniway, after school, we went to Bras Basah by bus, in hope of finding the ideal card in the 3-storey high Popular. We held our noses as we walked through the food court. Just couldn't bear the smell of food tormenting our already growling stomachs. Btw, the search @ Popular was fruitless. So we loitered in Bras Basah to find another card-selling shop. After the embarassment of walking into a wedding preparation shop and the conflict of whether we should get a custom made card, we gave up and left...

This may have been the end except that we din accept defeat and walked to Bugis. No rewards there. GAVE UP, WENT ON. Boarded on MRT. Bye to Bugis, hi to Orchard. Unfamiliar to Orchard, we would hv been lost without our fren Valerie who became our tour-guide. ..1st stop, HMV. Finally, big giant cards that says...Happy 21st BC (-_-'')sighz. Then the owner suggest OG. So 2nd stop, OG. All we see are clothes!! Then we decided to try Kalm's at Taka's. The cards there were again A3 size onli...By then, 2+ hours had passed. The shop tender told us to try Wisma. 4th stop, Wisma. NO CARDS!! ARGGGG...At Wisma, someone suggested Taka's Kalm's. It turned out that there were actually 2 Kalm's. So back to Taka we shuffled. Blistered and sore, we went to Taka and were told the cards were SOLD OUT! Was told to try Kalm's 1, but no pt, visit b4 liao wat. Use telephone helpline. Called all our PSLs n seniors, frens and family. Decided to take advice from Howard of 3G n trudged off to Borders...No big cards and den salesgirl said Paragon Lifestore sure hv. To make sure, we called 100 den the shop. Said it was abt A3 size but still walked over...Yeah, A3 size, wae too small...

Sighz, we had to give up it was 5++ hours by then. So off to HMV again to buy the 21st bdae card...At HMV, we spent 45 mins on whcih card newer, which badge more corny, which bear sweeter...Then which wrapping paper more chio n what are we going to do about the 21st..6++ hours...walking and walking...WE'RE DEAD BEAT DIARY!"

Lol..in the end, they made it so pretty, with paint and a sticker over the "2" in "21st" and changing the "s" into a 6...^_^ they even got Ms Tia to sign! ^__^ (They said they wanted to try their luck with Mrs Vora but no time...sad! ;p)

See? Juniors are damn nice. Very touched. ^___^
Happy, happy, happy day!!!^______^

the rain last fell @ 09:44 p.m., Monday, October 7, 2002

This is surreal. TK likes Selina of S.H.E fame.
*faints*

He actually pulled the whole "*doe-eyed fawning look*" routine online, just to get a copy of a S.H.E article from the New Paper. *collapses from shock and disbelief*
(Ah well, I like Vanness and Fann Wong...and I'm supposed to be the one who has "obscure jazz and musical pieces" in my mp3 collection, as michelle (tan) once put it. *shrug* Weirder things have happened.)

Celebrated my birthday last night with my aunt and uncle, 2 days early. ^_^ Went for a buffet dinner at triple3 in Mandarin Hotel, the one at Orchard. Enjoyed everything -very- much, except that I overdid the chocolate bit for dessert a leetle bit, and ended up with a raging migraine. >_<" Well, they had chocolate mousse and chocolate fondue from a brilliant machine that kept the melted chocolate flowing in a thin stream, and little chocolates, and black forest cake and chocolate pudding. I can't believe I managed to sample all that (Hey, I -sampled-, I didn't eat a lot. I'm not -that- greedy ;p) I skipped ice-cream! Never mind, I was freezing anyway. ^^; Got a collection of Douglas Adams' books, Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy et al. ^__^

I will be a good girl, honour my promises and go off to study E Maths. Bye bye! = )

the rain last fell @ 04:24 p.m., Sunday, October 6, 2002

Ach. I want to watch The Producers. If Springtime For Hitler is anything to go by, it's gonna be a riot, and a very tuneful one. ^__^

the rain last fell @ 01:10 p.m., Saturday, October 5, 2002

Ok, I feel much better. There was a mistake with my French marks, I might be 2nd. Maybe. Just maybe. *little bit calmer*

But, to make my day better..a hilarious misintepretation of a picture in my history workbook (courtesy of alvin, who's school had it for a source-based question)

Alvin says:
you know the sheep in the picture? My friend thought that they were seals. Then the wolves became pigs
Raining-- my stories on a rainswept night says: *dies laughing*
Alvin says: at least they got the tiger correct. I don't know but that's what they saw.The worst was the crocodile. They thought it was pregnant.
Raining-- my stories on a rainswept night says: *spit*

_LOL_. The picture was actually about the disarmament treaty (for WW2) and the tigers and crocodiles were the countries who wanted the disarmament treaty and the sheep were the "innocent countries of the world" (I quote). The crocodile had a bulging tummy because it had supposedly gobbled up some poor victim of a country...

Feel much better. Ah, Alvin actually asked whether I thought I could become a President Scholar *dies laughing* Am both flattered and amused. =)

I know how Jia feels. That feeling of "I must be the best. This is my domain". I know that funny little tingle when you produce something good. Ok, I wouldn't be as drastic as to do what she did, but I guess it must really hurt when you don't do well in..in something you know you can do well in. Jia -can- get an A1. It's just...technique. Yea, technique. = ) And technique can be taught. ^_^
I love giving lit tuition, because it's such an effective way of revision. Did Mockingbird with Khai Yan today. I love lit more and more everyday. ^__^

Jacelyn Tay is pretty. Chio. Ah, she's right up there with Fann Wong when it comes to loking good on-screen. ^_^ (yes, scream at my taste.)

Ah sou. Back to E Maths.

Oh, and I nearly forgot. Alanna, I know very basic HTML only >_<"

the rain last fell @ 08:49 p.m., Friday, October 4, 2002

Fuck (Whoops, Raining just sweared. *cleans out mouth with soap*)

Guess who's fourth in class

the rain last fell @ 01:27 p.m., Friday, October 4, 2002

She posted! Blue posted!! Ahhh!!! *hyperventilates*

It's not "Just This?", but ah, it's such a wonderful little piece anyway ^__^ I swear, Blue is the only writer I know of who can make H/D slash so gripping, so poignant. And she's the only other writer besides Abaddon who can make me howl/weep/wail when reading a slash piece (although I do sometimes end up cackling out loud, but that's another matter)
http://www.deadjournal.com/~bluejusttooblue/--> That's her deadjournal (yes, you heard me right. LJ has a competitor!) Check her and her links out! ^__^

the rain last fell @ 09:22 p.m., Thursday, October 3, 2002

Sempai, thank you for taking the time to do make the html idiot-proof -_-". Good luck for promos! =) *hugs* *kowtows* Oh, and thank you again, alanna, for the layout! ^_^
Okie, everything's up but the breaker pics now! *whew*

I do nothing nowadays but mug A Maths, which gets easier and easier. But it's very time-consuming, because I have to re-do questions all the time. *Maths Idiot strikes again* (Oh, and Kelvin says he doesn't mind giving me tuition in jc..lol. ^^; Thankew daddy! ;p)

Tomorrow, I'm doing Lit with Khai Yan(To Kill A Mockingbird roxors my soxors!), and maybe history with Wenling. Her exam is next Wednesday *arrgh* I don't need her to get an A1, just to do her best and be really satisfied with her results. Yet I feel like I'm pressurising her.=( Poor duckie...

Anyway, with all that moderation (which doesn't affect me one iota), my L1R5 is still 9, but I don't fail anything now ^.^" The cut-off for humanities, according to sempai, is 9 -whew-. So I'm probably trying for HC Humanities, and hopefully I'll get in. *wry smile* Pray for me, duckies, I don't want to go anywhere else.

the rain last fell @ 08:45 p.m., Thursday, October 3, 2002

*clears throat* Testing...?

the rain last fell @ 11:13 p.m., Wednesday, October 2, 2002

Eee!!I love the layout, alanna!! Mucho gracias! ^___^

But...being the HTML-idiot that I am =(, I can't seem to get rid of the unsightly pitas border at the top, or figure out where to stick in the entries etc. (I totally don't do justice to it, methinks)
So...until I figure it all out, or until sempai finishes her promos and can help me un-tangle HTML (please, sempai? pretty please?), I guess I'll have to stick to this one. =S

I love the layout ^___^

Today's a good day. Not only with the layout, but also with the 88 for Lit. ^___^ Nice number, non? Ok, so I received a few death threats here and there from classmates fed up with my I'm-gonna-fail-Lit-paranoia, but hey, it's an A1! ^_^ (Even if I -did- get C5 for Chem. =S)

Will put up layout ver', ver' soon! ^^;

the rain last fell @ 10:07 p.m., Monday, September 30, 2002

Oh and what can I say? Yunxin is a darling. _LOL_
You know that gushy recommendation letter we had to do for Paper 2? Well, she did one on my PESA experience. ^^; Charmaine was going "Ay, don't get big-headed!" Ah, Yunxin, you sure made my day yesterday...^_^

the rain last fell @ 02:58 p.m., Saturday, September 28, 2002

WOoo!! Sempai says I can make it to HC!! Ok, wadda we have so far?

English A1 and 84 at that ^__^

HCL A2, 73.75. *spits*

SS A1, for now. 39/50

E Maths B4. =] Ok, so no A, but hey it's enough

Physics 50, and a C6. Ah well, I passed, ^__^ Thankew Mrs Har!!!!

Sempai says I did well and can make it to HC!! ^__^I can take E Maths, Eng, CL, Lit, Hist (assuming those 2 get A1 as usual) and French. And Chem looks good, better than B4, I'll take that instead of E Maths. ^_^

Please...no unpleasant surprises next week...

Today was unpleasantly nerve-wracking. English left me gasping with relief, while I guess SS was a little screwed up. (18 for source-based? Iccck.)HCL was a little disappointing, but not that bad(han zi was sheer stupidity.)Thank goodness I scraped a B for E Maths, and a pass for Physics. *sweatdrop*

Life is still not bad. (Oh, and I have very cute juniors...*chuckle*)

the rain last fell @ 09:28 p.m., Friday, September 27, 2002

Damn you, DHS, DAMN YOU. I'm ranked in the National top 6, I'm your first candidate in 3 years to get into the PESA Finals, and I've sacrificed so many nights near the prelims just to attend fookin quarters, semis and finals, not to mention all the afternoons Mrs Vora and I slaved away over speeches, and you say "Sorry, unless you win, no CCA points"?!

Damn you, DHS. No wonder no one wants to come back and help the -school-. CCA, yes, but who comes back for the -school-?

*a la Henry Higgins* Damn, damn, damn, DAMN!

I don't mind doing it for Mrs Vora, for EDS, even for my class. But -not you-. Because although they're part of DHS, they're but part of it. Do you understand?
Of course you don't. Your narrow, petty minds could never comprehend anything beyond protocol and reputation

Sod off, you buggers. I'm gonna get those points, by hook or by crook.

Anyway, that was what happened a few days ago, but I only blogged to get it off my chest today. Went for French again today, and we were being ridiculous over orale as usual.
Sonia: "But all the road signs are in French!"
Amanda: "Yes, but so is your map!"

...*squeaks in laughter* Not to mention Mme's feeding us today with saucisson, pate and cheese ^_^

Please...tomorrow...teeeeen....points...I can get into Humanities with 10 points, the VP of HCJC said so....please...just 10 points...I'll be a good girl, I am being good already.

Please. Pleasepleaseplease...*cries*

the rain last fell @ 09:13 p.m., Thursday, September 26, 2002

(Yes, i should type everything in one post, and not in dribs and drabs. Ah, bugger off.)

Mrs Zullikhan said I failed history, and I sincerely hope she's joking. (sempai, don't scream...)

Mrs Har says she -thinks- I passed physics. ^^;

And Sonia didn't get an A1 for french, because she mis-read the essay topic "lettre du rupture" as "lettre du rapture". (ie, letter of swooning adoration when she should have written a letter of break-up) So, as she put it, "I told him that I loved him forever, when I should have told him to bugger off."
*gurgle* She could have beat me if not for that essay.

Life is looking up. ^_^

the rain last fell @ 10:22 p.m., Tuesday, September 24, 2002

Happy. Excited. Exhilarated. Can't-breath-for-joy.

I got A1 for french prelims after all!! ^__^

Madame made a mistake in her calculations, you see. I did quite well, but she accidentally gave me a failing mark for Paper 2, instead of the B3 I got(40 divided by 2=10. Sheesh.)So, I jumped up by 10 marks and 2 grades!! *hugs self in delight* Isn't it wonderful?!?

My mouth can't close, I'm grinning too hard. Wahahahahakakk.

-And- it's 2nd highest in class too. ^___^

A Maths wasn't that bad, really. Ok, so A looks really faraway, but heck, I recognised a lot of questions! I'm gonna clear my desk/table/bag, write in Yiwen's beautiful autograph book(MGS girls are -very- artistic, by the look of the book. *blush* Yeah, I know I can't draw to save my life...stuff it)and do Maths (yes, you heard me right. I'm suddenly full of energy to tackle maths *whistles*)

Then, must find the history notes and syllabus guide for ling, do vocab lists for english and french, and oh yah. Sleep.
*collapses*

the rain last fell @ 10:10 p.m., Tuesday, September 24, 2002

(Yes, I know it's A Maths tomorrow.)

I can't stand it! Life without dance and drama is kiiillliiinnnggg me. *drags face a la The Famous Scream Picture* I'm serious. (And I'm not even refering to Kaleidoscope either, though that was fun) No sessions, no stretching, no forcing myself to do just a little bit more. Being in an office or classroom all day just scares the hell out of me. I don't want to do that! I can't just stop all these when I'm working or something, you can't make me!! *hysterical now* I'm not good, but I do so want to be. I want to do this, can't you see? I don't want to write essays or solve identities. I can't live like this, I won't, I won't, I won't! You can't make me!!

Don't you see, this is what I want? I'll kill you and the rest, before you make me stop. Do you hear me? Not kill myself.YOU. I'll smash your mean little mouths so they can yabber no more, I'll draw my nails over your cheeks so you can screamscreamscream, I'll make sure you're -dead-. I'm not going to die for you, oh no I won't, sweetiepies.

You should die, before you wreck anymore havoc on anyone's world. Leave well alone.

I'm warning you. Leave me alone.

I'm so tired.

the rain last fell @ 10:02 p.m., Monday, September 23, 2002

I don't know what to write. Isn't it strange? It's just a mish-mash of odd thoughts flitting here and there, and somehow, in black on white, it seems strange and stiff, like you'd tried to catch shadows and pin them down, only you got queer, black angular shapes, with sides sharp enough to prick you.

Je rêve trop.

After a rather traumatic chemistry paper today, I tried to study a maths, "tried" being the key word here. What the heck.

*fatalistic look* Then, I gave tuition to Wenling, and Celine, who also came along. Actually Wenling's got a good base (if a slightly over-indulged penchant for clichés, but then again, mine is actively over-indulged). So, we went through vocab, vocab and more vocab. Comprehension paper is actually just testing how many words you know and understand. So, we're going to expand her vocabulary! *faraway gleam in eye*
Quote of the day:
Me: What's another word for "sustain"?
Wenling: Tahan?
*dies laughing*

Then, we had history viva voca *gryn* ie, I asked questions on Russia, and she tried to answer ("tried" again being the key word.) Ah well, as Mrs Har says, you only consolidate what you learnt in Sec 3 when you get to Sec 4, so I'm not too worried about her. At least she'll have it easier when revising the Russia chapter. I know how tiring it gets, trying to dredge up information that's "so long ago..." Never mind, the factors for all those bleedin' revolutions and political structures are all permanently imprinted in my brain now. *mutter* I know I treat her like a primary school kid, almost, making her repeat after me and saying out the most obvious things (ok, to her, it might not be obvious. In exams, assume that the examiner is stupid. Do a show-and-tell ^^;) Never mind, repetition precipitates memorisation. To give her credit, she does try (even if her lack of common sense makes one worry. History is facts, and using your common sense. Heckit, even someone like me can manage, and I'm not exactly the most coherent person around...)
Me: Please, this is history, use your common sense!
Wenling: *wail* Don't haaaaaave...
*dies laughing again*

Life is fun. Even though my head aches from trying to prompt her(ye gods, Celine is so much more responsive. There's something to be said for being eloquant. Or coming from Ngee Ann Primary =D), even though she needs a lot of work in vocab before her A1 is -firmly- in the bag, whatever happens, even though she makes me want to laugh and cry at her answers...Life is fun. : )

the rain last fell @ 08:23 p.m., Monday, September 23, 2002

Erkpb. A Maths was reasonably straightforward, but I know I made a lot of mistakes. Mr Goh says Paper 2 will be much more difficult, so arrght and bppt and all that jazz. Never mind, at least I recognized most of the topics mentioned and didn't panic.

Literature wasn't that wunnerful either. I think I screwed up Paper 1, because it was just a jumble or ill-organized and possibly irrelevant points. *strangled noise* Paper 2 was plain regurgitation of Calpurnia and Miss Maudie, which was fun. (in a slightly perverse way, yes, it was) Arrr...leave me my A1, that's all I ask. Bloody amazing, how I can rattle off bits of trivia and quotes, but have to mug long and hard to drum factors of such-and-such into my brain. A...1...or I will scream and cry and kick up the biggest fuss you'd ever seen since...I dunno, since my last big fuss =D

But yes, I have decided that I will beg shamelessly/grovel/call in longstanding records of good behaviour and steady hard work (yea, right) if I don't get my A1

And Neil Gaiman's coming to Singapore in March??!! *gasp* ^__^

the rain last fell @ 08:11 p.m., Thursday, September 19, 2002

-Maybe- I can get an A1 for HCL. =}

I redid specimen a maths paper today, and I could manage most of it =DDDD Ok, that's not much but it's still a maths... 2001 prelim was sucky. Conked out at 2-something because of over-saturation of ze brain. (Look, I started working nearly right after the HCL paper, and slogged til 2+. *flexes mental muscles* I can do trigo and equally mind-boggling stuff!)
(O-level standard anyway)

Studying in skool is nice ^_^ Because there's aircon, and I can always move to the study area if I fe-reeze. Plus, there's help on hand most of the time. Which is why although de ming isn't a wonderful place, it's not that bad to study in. (Better than rotting at home.)

Okok, I'm going off. Must do that paper 1 by today. Then tomorrow will be revision and Lit.

Please don't let me screw up my lit...pleasepleasepleaseplease

the rain last fell @ 09:52 p.m., Monday, September 16, 2002

Mmhm. A Maths is still rather big and vague. But I think I'm getting a big o' a hang of it (although my prelims look a bit near, ooh-er)and ice-cream helps a lot ^__^ Did questions from the specimen paper at sempai's place on everything except matrices, perms & combs, and linear law. Kelvin est un très bien papa, n'est-ce pas? Et mes parents sont très mignon. Je souhait que je aies un petit ami comme ma mère, un jour....

Mais comme tout le monde me dit, ces sont les rêves d'une petite fille bête. *shrug*

Un jour, je serai heureuse, aussi.

the rain last fell @ 08:21 p.m., Sunday, September 15, 2002

I can't believe they cut Heart of the City from the Life! comics! *really doubts Sumiko Tan's taste now* Stone Soup and Bizarro aren't bad but they just can't replace Heart =( I miss Heart.

To top it off, Physics today was disastrous. Think "emf=current" (yes, I actually filled that in for MCQ, don't kill me. I wasn't thinking)Paper 2 was horrid. All kinds of "farnie" application questions. I swear, last year's prelims seem much more straightfoward it seems...
Never mind. At least Har Ying Ying was nice about it. =S

I'm sad. I want my Heart of the City.

'neeways, after prelims, I'm supposed to give ling a bit o' help in English (although she seems to be quite good in it, she speaks clearly at least. Pleasant lilt, no grating accent, and a slight, sing-song drawl. But I digress). I don't mind..after all, the best way to learn, is to teach, n'est-ce pas? Although I have no idea how one -teaches- English. I've always been of the view that you have to read and read and read. And read good stuff, you know, different genres et al

Ah well, we can always try :) I've faith she's smart and quick enough.

the rain last fell @ 08:35 p.m., Wednesday, September 11, 2002

Hands up all those who think yesterday's E Maths paper 1 wasn't very user-friendly

*WAVES FRANTICALLY*

Ach. What can I say? At least loads of people shared the same views as me. I think my HCL paper 1 wasn't that wonderful either, and it's like, part of my l1R5 (because I think you can't dock 2 points off if you don't use your higher chinese in your l1r5, no matter what grade you got)

Today's history was nicer though. Source-based was...ambiguous, as always. I think I -might- have screwed it up, but heck. Hopefully, Mrs Zullikhan will pass me nicely. Structured was beeeyootiful. I just regurgitated all those facts prettily, topped off with a good dash of the ol' Raining-handwriting. ^_^ Mrs Zullikhan stopped and looked over my shoulder at my paper while I was scribbling structured *sweatdrop* The questions were practically taken from our notes and last year's exam paper man. Ah well, there is hope for this humanity grade, after all, at least.

Tomorrow's physics. Woo. Mrs Har gave Ade and me and pep-talk today, and promised that we'd pass. Ok, sounds nice. : ) AND SHE SAID I PASSED MY PRACTICAL!!! WAHOOEY!!!

But I got B3 for French. *sigh* 66. Sure, I was hoping for one, but I thought I could scrape an A after the paper...

Ach. Off to mug.

Ear-candy--
Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friends--Marilyn Monroe
Half A Moment--Sarah Brightman

the rain last fell @ 08:43 p.m., Tuesday, September 10, 2002

Yes, I did have a horrid migraine (no thanks to history, eurgh), but I felt better when you told me to take care, duckie. (Isn't my princess the sweetest and prettiest amongst them all?)

My di is also so very sweet. : ) He thought that my birthday was 7 Sept, and bought my gift *chuckle* Well, I don't mind waiting for my birthday. Takes the horror out of the exams, an October birthday does.

I love you all. And oh, for the Os to be over. (That chalet had better materialize. ^.^;)

the rain last fell @ 02:25 p.m., Saturday, September 7, 2002

Nooooo!!!! Why isn't blue updating?? *weeps like a babe* I want my D/H fix!! And no one writes such lovely D/H slash as her. I Want Your Wings is also down, and my only consolation is that I finally managed to finish Glitch (on ff.net. The website is somewhat down too)

*pout* I want my Just This? by blue. *angsts*

*shakes head* Rabid fan-girl, I have turned into.

And I was thinking...tk told me he wanted to play kiat in My Classmate Died Yesterday. And I realised we could have put it up, if not for Kaleidoscope. becky would have been Alicia, Dax would have been Josh. (And if anyone even -dared- to compete for the role of Melissa with me, they'd have died a horrid, messy death). We could have kupped waijia and joycelyn for their roles. And Vanny also would have had that role (damn, can't remember her name).

It's been so long since we've acted. It's been so long since I've spoken on a stage for real, in a real play, with real lines and real characters. And suddenly, I'm cursing Kaleidoscope, because I'm not meant to be a dancer anyway, I could have fought for inhouse during the 1st 2 terms, and I should have done drama, because that's what I'm cut out for, not dance.
Futility.

And suddenly I'm crying for everything I don't have and others have because I don't care how childish it is. I'm crying because I'm petty and selfish and want everything forever.

Did you ever read this fic where Draco throws up a half-digested ribcage of a Muggle he has attacked and eaten? Yes, eaten. Sometimes, it seems the only thing I can see in the red haze is tearing out strips of peoples' flesh and letting it roll between my teeth, all tender and bloody. And then they'd be sorry for being better than me, for having anything I don't have. And oh, how they'd scream in painpainpain as they are eaten alive.

the rain last fell @ 10:08 p.m., Sunday, September 1, 2002

Right. Before I go offline and mugmugmugmug, just want to annouce--it's...hime-sama's birthday today!

*mwa* Happy birthday, princess. (You'll get your prezzie after the Os...*.^)Stay pretty and sha3 and lovable for always, lovie. (And I wish it were just like old times, when we all weren't so busy and de ming's schoolwork didn't matter, and we spent the whole day at Kallang Theatre, and I know we can't be close forever because I've been through that and I just want to enjoy myself with you and the rest now.)

the rain last fell @ 04:15 p.m., Saturday, August 31, 2002

"I'm so sick of this. Why doesn't anyone understand? Maybe I'm just conceited, but I've always felt that everyone else can fail, but not me. Not me. Never me. I'm Ailin, the kantang, english girl. Everyone gives me this horrfied look if I do badly. No one understands. They're always like, "Aiyah, you're Ailin. You sure can one lah."

But I can't. There are so many times I thought I could, when in truth I can't.

I'm not a miracle worker. I'm not as good as everyone thinks I am.

I'm a failure. I can't even excel in what I used to do best anymore. "

Sempai, I'm sorry, I lifted this from your own old post. I'll remove it if you want me to. But it really says all I want to say (because you write so much better than me).

Now I know what it feels like.

"most of the teachers(if not all) are in ur shou2 zhang3 xin1".
Ade said that over icq. So I'm flattered.

Then again, it means nearly everyone sees me as being marked for my "name" ("Leave me my name!"--The Crucible. Irrelevant quote but still one that leaps to mind.) than for my content.
"u rarely get below 20 im so freaked out"
Something else she said to me.

Idon'twanttofallIdon'twanttofallPleasedon'tletmefallIcan'tfallIcan'tfallwheneveryoneiswatchingme

the rain last fell @ 09:08 p.m., Wednesday, August 28, 2002

Well. It's been quite some time, hasn't it?

First of all, sempai, I hope things get better for you. =( *hugs* I hope things work out fine. Eat, ok? Take care of yourself...kouhai hopes you're well and will stay well. *Love from kouhai*

And so, we've actually gone through physics and chem practical, all the french papers and the English papers...The prelims are officially here and taking place. Physics prac was horrid. I forgot to connect the jockey, of all the stupid things to do, then I panicked, and Mrs Har had to remind me to check my connection (which of course will cost me at least 2 marks. Ah well, better those 2 marks than 15 marks gone). The look on her face was really horrid, this mixture of disappointment, exasperation and anger. I felt so bad at that instant, I could have curled up and died. Then, when I was trying to light the bunsen burner for the 2nd experiment, and the blasted lighter wouldn't cooperate, I looked really tense, and she still whispered to me "Melissa, don't panic! Relax!" She's so nice and I'm such a heart-breakingly lousy student. (Assuming that she cares enough to break her heart over such a useless student of course.)

That's not the best of it. What did I do? When the question said "15 metal washers", I stupidlyidiotically used 20 metal washers for all my calculations. Which means I basically screwed up the 2nd question too. WHY ON EARTH AM I SO DAMN CARELESS??

There's error carried forward, which means I'll pass physics. Hopefully. *bitter laugh* Loserly.

Then...chem practical (which was actually on mon, earlier than physics, which was today). Not too bad. I got quite an accurate amount for my titration, and I could do all my calculations, except the last one which I scribbled any ol' how, because I couldn't remember the formula, and the 3-mark question was waiting. I don't know whether I got that correct, but it made sense to me anyway. As for the observation tests, which I suck at, I can console myself that at least I remembered that hydrogen peroxide will give oxygen. I got the main colours, but it's always easy for me to fail observation tests reports. Ok, let's hope for a B, shall we? Nice and realistic. No use dreaming, we'll just mugmugmugmug our way to a lovely theory paper. Eurgh.

Then...French. I -did- study really hard, especially for the closure and the names of the different shops. 'Twas nice to have so much info at my fingertips for once. I understood nearly everything, and I only forgot that "faire le repassage" meant to do one's ironing. (How ironic. Some girl mentioned it at Saturday's oral, and I never bothered to check it out.) Today's essays were finished with quite some time to check and write neatly (which is good, because Mme. Vanderkellhen (eh?) is a compo-neat-freak). I'm aiming for a B, or even an A2. *hysterical laughter*

English. Oh....I seriously think I rambled out of point for my essay. Didn't focus enough on the question's requirements. Which leaves me very very very scared. What a time to break down and fail now. The bloody prelims for goodness sakes. I'm quite ok with the rest, but there'll always be a nagging doubt in me, that I didn't do a question correctly, that I didn't include a point in my summary. I never rest easy, especially with English. Everyone never believes me when I get scared. They all think (and say) "But Melissa, you're Top in level! If you don't pass, who will?" Well, there's always a time for me to fall. And aren't the prelims one of the most dramatic times of all? They think I can do it. Well I can't always do well. I'm too damn complacent. I'm too lazy. I can't write well. I can't, I can't. No one understands, they think I'm being hysterical, show-offy, paranoid.
Well, there ain't no smoke without fire. When I fall, I don't want to see their faces.
I left everything in God's hands. I will let him do what he deems is best.
I need strength if I fall. I need strength. God, grant me strength.

I can't do this. I'm a bloody nervous wreck, and everyone thinks it's histronics.

Well, go think that way. I don't care. Leave me alone when I fall.

You'll only believe me when you see with your own eyes that wunderkind here has fallen.

the rain last fell @ 08:33 p.m., Wednesday, August 28, 2002

LJ is down, which means lazy me has to drag her butt here, and bother to do HTML-ing for once. =D Went for french oral just now, and I'm once again happy that I'm not relying on french for my L1R5. I understood the passage after my 3rd read-thru, but conversation was majorly screwed. He let me choose the topic, but I still stumbled and I swear, all my tenses were wrong. Never mind, I think I did well for SS on friday, so that's half an A1 *hopeful*

It's been a week since I lost at PESA, but I still feel a bit sad even now, sometimes. I wish I could have given Mrs Vora her Teachers' Day Present. >.<

As soon as the Os are over, I will buy blackcherry colour nail polish. ^_^ Not totally black, not scarlet red, but blackcherry (no, it's not a legitimate colour name or anything, it's the best way I can think of to describe its colour) And I'll have nice nice nails for the 1st time in 4 years, because even during the school hols, I could never use nail polish if I was returning to school every other day, right?

And my mommy asked me if I wanted to watch Singin' In The Rain! ^__^

the rain last fell @ 12:38 p.m., Saturday, August 24, 2002

I'm so so so so so so so scared.
I'm scared for myself, for everyone. You know when I start spotting topics, then procrastinate. You know when I find ways to put off facing maths papers. You know when I suddenly panic in the middle of class, then rush for my notebook to jot down all the things I have to do now before I fail something. I can't fail. I can't get less than A1.

I don't ever remember being this scared.
Because no one is here. Except God. And I know maybe, he doesn't want me to be top after all. Maybe he doesn't want me to do brilliantly. I want to submit, I do, but then what?Oh, I'll study, don't worry. But where do I go from here? When I feel I can't remember any Maths or Physics or French or Social Studies?

the rain last fell @ 09:31 p.m., Tuesday, August 20, 2002

MMhm. 4K is kinda cute =D Think
Yvonne: "Sausages??!!? Where??!!?
Vanny: "Source A la, not sausage."

Yunxin: " Mel!! You bigger surface area wad...actually you are like a brontosaurus...long neck, short stumpy legs, big surface area [again!] and herbivorous [I don't eat herbs! Or solely veggies.] Shou bu liao? Fei la!"

Farnie, as my class would say. It's so oestrogen-fuelled, my class. I mean, we don't have any meng3 nan2. We have guys who usually go with the flow because it's comfier that way. Which is true.

Finished the bloody PESA speech. Which means there's probably 1 or 2 rewrites in the near future, and the inevitable panic.

Then we'll have the ego surge. Then the emotional highhighhigh and the working up of nervous energy.

Just for 7 minutes of speaking.

*shakes head* Loserly.

the rain last fell @ 09:07 p.m., Sunday, August 11, 2002

Wooh. What's happened since the last post?

I'm *gasp* in the PESA Finals. ^_____^ Stiff competition in the semis, I was a nervous wreck. Catholic High guy sounded quite frankly, gay. Didn't help that his speech was preachy ("Singapore is our homeland, let's all be rah-rah patriotic!") and well, I hope this doesn't sound mean, but he sounded like zi xiang. (Nothing against him, just an observation). SJI guy was -cute-. To quote Mrs Vora "Maybe he'll get in just based on his looks" -That- good-looking. Eurasian-ish, tall and one of those deep, mellifluous male voices I go ga-ga and goo-goo over *koffkoffdon'treadtoomuchintothiskoff* But he's dao. Cold. Not very warm, chatty, etc. Get muh drift?

Paya Lebar MGS was good, as usual. Lynn (spelling by name) was really funny, and she was more animated, perhaps because the hall was bigger this time. Gwen didn't memorise her speech, silly girl, so stumbled. But I loved it all the same. ^_^ Dill, the Monks Hill Sec contestant is only Sec 2, looks like a cross between Yiwei and Christopher (4C), and was a natural. Really wonderful, warm, amiable style and did a li'l rap at the end of his speech. *shakes head* I feel dull and old in comparison. (I love the name Dill. To Kill A Mockingbird is to blame for that. How can you not love a character described as a "pocket Merlin", with his head full of "eccentric fancies" and who dreams about babies on a misty island with an old man to row a boat there...)

RI was good, sounded and looked like a twin of bryan. *gryn* (Did a speech on the violence and sex in movies. Found myself nodding along.)ACS(I) was good too, this tall Indian who delivered this speech on Inverse Ageing, smooth and affable. Bukit Panjang Govt High was weaker, you could sense her lack of go-for-the-jugular and showmanship, but she was solid and it -was- touching, with the mention of her friend in the audience. St Nicks' CHIJ was cheerleadish, and Gwen and I were speculating that she was one. (She was. *gryn) Her speech, Singlish vs English was so chirpy and peppy (quote: "If you dunno whether the thing on top of table or under table, you just shout "under where? Under where?")Nanyang's voice was grating, and I didn't really like her. Animated, yes, but irritating.

Anyway, SJI, RI, Nanyang, DHS, Monks Hill and one other school are in the finals. Don't think Nanyang should have gotten in, but heck, 1 weak competitor=1 more chance for me to be ranked in top 3. I'm hoping to be ranked 3rd at least, because Mrs Vora said my impromptu was one of the best, and I think I could manage a good speech.

I can always try.

Anyway, academics-wise...*groan*. Ok, 18/25 for E Maths Transformations *gryn*, 17/25 for Chem and I'm probably gonna fail hist tomorrow. *pessimist look*

(And my pink blouse is -nice-. *scowls* Everyone attacks it, for some reason. Ailin-sempai--"creature in pink", Weiyang--"ahsoh!" and bryan takes the cake--" Did you try to make that yourself? You looked like someone splashed paint on you. Loads of books *gestures at orchard library* on making stuff like that here. I see you had a bit of trouble with the hem" *scowl* *hugs pink blouse protectively*)

Tired. Don't like History.

the rain last fell @ 08:34 p.m., Tuesday, August 6, 2002

Headache. Why aren't you calling? and you? And you?

I'm so sick and tired of this. And I want to be happy, damn it! (Vanity is fleeting happiness. Bleah.)

I want it all, damn it. Admit it. I'm perfect, damn you. I'm better than anyone and -everyone-. Admit it

the rain last fell @ 11:15 p.m., Friday, August 2, 2002

It's Mrs Vora's birthday tomorrow. We celebrated it with her today in school, with a mango-vanilla-froufrou-y-gateau and a jigsaw puzzle of our photo with her next year. Gen said in all seriousness, to get her to come to the canteen "Mrs Vora, there's a problem with our class, can we discuss it with you in the canteen tomorrow?" yesterday. Nice, but I'm feeling the stress for tomorrow. Y'see, it's also PESA semis tomorrow. Guess who's getting the 32 4K death threats if she doesn't get into finals? *whistles*

But I -am- confident of doing my best. I know my speech is good. I know I can carry it off. I can do a decent Impromptu. I'm pretty *ducks rotten tomatoes* (*wails* But I'm reasonably attractive and I can do the bimbo smile...)

I can do this. It's for Mrs Vora after all.

Photos tan tui gee took for us for the class page came out -great- too. *preens* I'm getting very vain, I know.

Then again, it's the only thing I can take comfort in. In real life, I look so haggard, but in photos, I do the bimbo-smile and voila! Raining is happy. In a perverse, shallow way. (4K is pervasive. I now preen and hate Maths. ~.< Nooooot good.)

Let's save the conscience-vanity debate for later. I sound good. I look good.

Watch out PESA. Raining's on the warpath!

the rain last fell @ 09:46 p.m., Friday, August 2, 2002

Gen's CD is nearly ready for burning, except for the spare songs CD. ^_^ Final count: around 5 CDs for the showtunes, 1 CD for the spare songs for which I can't find any category, 1 Linda Eder CD, 1 The Boyfriend CR (Cast Recording) and 1 My Fair Lady CR.

Right. Went for VJ talkety-talk today, because 1/4 of my cohort wants to go to Poly, and the admin's getting *sing song* woooooorried...

neeways, they -did- mention their "enchanting staircases" ^^; I liked the way they emphasised the way they groomed promising students for scholarships, and the fact that there's a combi with E Lit, History, Econs, Theatre Studies and no maths!*swoon* (I don't -like- Maths. *scowl*)

But I'm still aiming for HC. :)

Getting more confident about my History, because I got 9/11 for that leetle source-based test, and 21/25 for my cold war structured test ^____^ Lit and English are pretty much what I'm counting on, along with HCL and Social Studies. E Maths...hrm. I used to be not bad in Sec 1 and 2 :P Chemistry might scrape me an A1. Voila! 6 points. Ideally.

On a last note, photos were -great-! :) Loads turned out wonderfully, and I looked slim and vaguely-attractive, if you squinted...^^; The ones with the girls turned out very nice, and I'm -glad- I took them. ^___^

Quite happy.

Current ear-candy: Christmas Through A Child's Eyes--Linda Eder, Smile--Linda Eder

the rain last fell @ 07:32 p.m., Wednesday, July 31, 2002

I can't believe I screwed up my chem test so badly. That's 20% gone (5 out of 25 anyway), and it was something I'd studied and wrote down too. That's it, I can forget about getting A in 1 science. I'll get B for this, if I'm lucky.

Life is now test-and-preparation, test-and-preparation. Got not that much homework this weekend, but I've got to do my PESA Speech. *jitters* (Which I haven't, of course)

Today, however, was a good day. Because I took photos with my the malay girls and huishan (although mei wei wasn't there coz she had to study for Physics). We took at the sec 4 study area, at the spiral staircase, and at the fountain-with-impossibly-prickly-grass (I kid you not!) Cheryl (qian and deb's class, the one who looks like chye ling) was doing the photo-taking for us, and we were cursing her soundly all the way, because she never counts when she's going to take, and her skills are "so world-class, the pics come out looking abstract" *ti xiao jie fei* Fun though. =D They managed to drag shan along too!Recess was nice. *beams*

And have I ever mentioned I'm a book whore too? The sch library's been condemning loads of books lately, coz they need more space, and some of the books haven't even been read once! And so many good ones too. I kupped biographies of Noel Coward, Dorothy Parker, Louis Armstrong, Mickey Rooney, and some old-fashioned books =^^=

I'd like to do research on children's lit when I grow up, like its history, genres, growth. And I like the old-fashioned fiction they came up with last time, as well as the genre of schoolgirl fiction (which has all but disappeared now. Yes, reprints slowly growing in number, but how about new blood?) Oh, and how about Christianity in children's fiction? Like those old-fashioned Christian romances. I've got 1 at home, it's not bad too (but I think lots of people would find it incredibly preachy >_<) And the Elsie series. And the subtler influences in L.M Montgomery's work. (I actually found this very pro-Christianity storybook in the condemned books pile O-o I think my school wasn't very discriminate about content last time. Then again, it had never been borrowed...*rolls eyes*)It's so rich and you could do so much with it!

I wonder if it's been done before?

the rain last fell @ 10:55 p.m., Friday, July 26, 2002

Current ear-candy: Garden In The Rain, by Diana Krall, Kiss Kiss by Holly Vallance, In The Mandarin's Orchid Garden by Sarah Brightman.

I have an irritating urge to drop off during Maths classes. I'll be listening away, then suddenly, I'm nodding away.

Irritating

the rain last fell @ 07:39 p.m., Monday, July 22, 2002

Well, I got into the semi-finals of PESA ^__^ Which will be held on Mrs Vora's birthday, no less! It's on 3rd August (a Saturday). PESA at the YMCA was fun, because the auditorium is cosy, even if it doesn't have carpeting or plushy chairs. It's got some natural light from the big windows at the top, and the stage has no curtains, which I like (somehow). Met Gwenyth there again, and this girl, Tabi (short for Tabitha) who used to be from DHS GEP, but scooted out in Sec 2 before she got expelled by dear old Molecule. When she found out I was from DHS, she was like "I have got to talk to you at break". She's very tall and pretty, with an aggressive style of speaking. According to her, she got into loads of scraps with Molecule (waddya expect? I hear he was quite a terror before my batch came in), and she eventually moved to Springfield Sec. What a waste >_<;;

Gwen's speech rocked. (Considering it was Dave Barry-influenced, dUh). She's a very quick thinker, and very fresh and original (not to mention very politically incorrect.) Mrs Vora didn't like both her prepared and impromptu speeches because she found them "frivolous", but all the other contestants were chortling away. As for Impromptu, the topic was "A Good Leader is...", which led to nearly everyone invoking the PAP's name, like some political deity. Me? I did

A walking paradox (loves and is loved, respects and is respected, cares and is cared for)

Someone in all of us

People who have made me what I am today

Quite proud of myself. ^_^ *smug* I love walking into impromptu rounds, because you're isolated, and normally everyone comes in all quivery like a blob o' jelly. I love striding like I "own the room" (Tabi and Denise later told me that) and beaming, because it un-nerves other contestants and gives the judges a better impression, yea? *Holds up sign saying "Attention Whore"*

On the other hand, I'm freaking out because one competition is easily 4-5 hours, and I hardly get enough sleep (Like, anyone does?) I keep falling asleep in school, and I nearly dozed off on the stairs the next day. I can't do this, I can't study for tests days in advance anymore, because as soon as 1 test is done, there's another the next day. History freaks me out now, I don't know what zullikahn wants, she wants so much of us, just for an A grade. Maths is...maths. I know I can't hate Mr Goh because none of it is his fault, yet I want him to slow down, to explain instead of just going "Nahnahnah, look here!", banging on the board at different points, and expecting us to understand. I know I'm very slow at Maths, even worse than Physics sometimes. And this is E Maths we're doing now (Transformations, then Vectors)

I want to cry sometimes, but to who? No one would understand. Mine's a Lit class, but they're good in Maths. They'd drawl "Your lit will save you what..." but I know it's dangerous.

I can't rely on other people forever.

Get me out of here, I can't be a failure. I can't be stupid.

Don't let me make a fool of myself again.

the rain last fell @ 04:20 p.m., Saturday, July 20, 2002

I hereby proclam today, 12 July 2002 as Roller Coaster Day of the month

Good news: I'm nominated for CCA Service Awards by Ms Tia. Which, if you don't know me well enough by now, means a -lot- to me. Recognition for the l'il attention-seeker and all that.

Bad news: She only gave me the form for nominations today.And it states clearly on the form that the closing date was 10 July, and late entries will be disqualified. Which Mrs Har chirpily (innocently, may I add) confirmed in the staff room.

Damnyoudamnyoudamnyoudamnyou. Don'tyouknowhowmuchitmeanstomewhenI'vesloggedlikemadandneedthisonmyrecord? Nevermindthefuckingrecords, Ijustneedtobeaffirmed, EDSiswasismyCCAandthiswouldmeanmoretomethananyboredCOcommmemberwhowouldgetitotherwise.

It'd mean I've finally arrived. That I -did- do enough for my CCA, and remove the little gnawing thoughts that burrow deep into my subconsciousness at night and make me want to wish I could turn back the clock.

But no, I just filled in the form, dropped it off on Ms Tia's desk, and I'm just gonna, you know, sail along, hope for the best, and....stone.

Cheryl can actually sing Anything You Can Do (I Can Do Better)!Huizhuang wanted to learn it today, and I was singing it, when Cheryl joined in! (The chorus at least...)Quote: "What do you think?! One beside me (refering to Gen) and one in front (me! Me!), how can I don't know?!" ^_^ What can I say? Repetition precipitates memorization.

Had my prelim English oral, which was totally stress-free, thanks to Mrs Vora and her reassuring smile. (Did I ever tell you I -love- this woman? She's the best example of a teacher I've ever come across. ^_^) Panicked over guided writing, scribbled something which sounded incoherent to me, and piled it with the rest of the scripts due to be handed up. Was due to do CIP, but decided to help the Sec 3s clean the EDS Room, instead. Well, ok, it was initally Huishan, Wenling and Mei Wei, then Wenling dragged up Deborah and Ying Chian when she went down to get water with Mei Wei. (In a container no less. *rolls eyes*) We just cleared the costumes and um, visible surfaces, and though I think the cupboard tops will never be a pristine white, they'll do for now.

Cleaning was fun! ^__^ Ok, that's because we had food (they all smuggled up yong tau foo and we had lunch first) and the gossip was flying thick and fast. Mei Wei was working really hard, cleaning the windows and even the mirror until they shone.(and piping her little seemingly-innocuous ditties all the while ^^;)Wenling, Deb and I were folding stuff, mainly, and the other 3 were cleaning/poking around the cubbyholes for forgotten costumes/props/wadchamacallits that will come in handy in the future. Oh, can't forget the Incident of the Legendary Presumed To Be Haunted Portrait. You know, the one of a man who looks like he's got gout, in a dark blue jacket and clutching a toy thingamajig in his hand. Yeah, the one Vanny claims to be haunted etc etc. I was just telling Huishan about it when she wanted to move it, and she got so spooked, she bowed to the portrait before she moved it just a little! Gooshe O-o

Hauled up water twice with Wenling and Deb twice,(in a pail this time) and generally had a ball of a time. It's been a long time since I was able to feel so happy, carefree, and well, so comfortable.

And I'm glad Mei Wei came to EDS. She's a gain for us (can dance, not bad looker), and I think she's very happy with the rest of the malay dancers, they're like a seamless bunch. (And a good-looking bunch too. Can't think of a better looking bunch in their level, really.)

So I'm kinda guilty for not going for CIP.

Heckit. How many happy days do you get like this?

Current earcandy: Happiness, from You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown

the rain last fell @ 08:25 p.m., Friday, July 12, 2002

Today's funfair by the GEPs was fun. ^_^ Snagged 6 books for like, .50? James Herriot was going for , and Gen snapped up Mister God, This Is Anna for , I think. Farewell My Concubine was , and Ms Yee recommended this sci-fi novel. Gen also got a brand-new hard-cover edition of Violin (Anne Rice) for ^^; We were gloating over our buys in the canteen, and scarfing down junk food...^___^

Ohmigooshe, French prelims are like, 5 weeks away?? *hyperventilates* I'll never make it in time, a Sec 1 student could shame my grammar and my vocab kinda strays to the fuzzy side! Comprehension is so infuriating, I have to write everything in my words, which is silly, because I didn't have that many to begin with!

I need to find lyrics for Monotonous (Eartha Kitt) and Born to Entertain (from Ruthless! The Musical). Especially Born To Entertain, coz Gen loves that song, and it's going into the CD. *shrug* So it's back to trawling google...

the rain last fell @ 09:25 p.m., Thursday, July 11, 2002

(someone to Vanessa)"Oh, shut up, Goody Beckham!" Christine: "If she's Goody Beckham, I'm Goody Kahn!" Pamela (*squeals*):" And I'm Goody Ferdinand!" *hysterical laughter*

Oh, gooshe...witness what happens when post-World-cup-fever meets too-much-Crucible meets 4K.

'nuff said.

the rain last fell @ 08:40 p.m., Wednesday, July 10, 2002

Yay! Alanna and lucius are up again...(Yeah, serial-stalker, zat's me...)

Failed Integration 9/25, Passed Chem 20/25

"Blasé and jaded, that's what you are, when you're only 16".

Honey, I can't figure what's whirling around me all the time, so I bury myself into the essays and words, into melodies that make you forget what you want to do, and I don't want to care that they're playing at cards again, that without EDS, I'm pretty much left without anywhere place to feel comfortable with.

(Not that I was 100% comfortable, but it was better...)

I'm quite satisfied with what I've achieved. Rui, Jia, Zhi, Shan have been groomed and installed. With the exception of Zhi, and perhaps Shan, my link with them has no further use anyway, because they need not be under us any longer. And it's so -good- to be finally free, to be able to pet and coax my meis and dis, without having to worry about favouritism, to not have to make sure that Rui and Joycelyn don't get disillusioned about EDS work (they're in the comm now, so it's pretty much hook, line and sinker).

I don't have to pretend that I love you. Or you. Or you.

I can love you and you and you, and show it.

I didn't lie. Because it was for EDS. And they swallowed it.

the rain last fell @ 10:32 p.m., Tuesday, July 9, 2002

I just found this in my document archives, buried under "Suspension Notice" and "Audition Questions" ^_^

Good reading for laughs, really, was chortling over how pompous it sounded...

Malay Dancers:

1. Your shoulders. Don’t hunch during the dance. And when you strike poses, your shoulders should not rise, and your necks should look long and graceful Basically, keep your shoulders down and stand up straight. The closer your shoulders are to your ears, the more uncomfortable it is, anyway. Keep your posture. Without posture, you don't look graceful at all, just wooden.

2. Use your bodies more. Shoulders and head should tilt towards the direction you're moving in slightly, and keep an “enchantingly mysterious” smile playing on your lips always. Then you'll look good.

3. There are only two things a dancer has to remember before they go onstage... (This came from Dewen, your grand-senior)

1. I look good.

2. The audience thinks I look good.

Self confidence is the crucial part

It's so...so -bossy- and hectoring. It's so manufactured-charm-ish. It was like we were miniature grown-ups and trainers, doing whatever the grown-ups did.

And it hits whenever it's late at night, and people tell you they miss you, and they still care.

the rain last fell @ 10:16 p.m., Monday, July 8, 2002

Raining--now when the rain falls says: clar and tian were trying to tell diff between u and mw coz u 2 always together

"*[|i|Ý|iv3rêD]*" says: puhleas.e...

Raining--now when the rain falls says: then also dunno how to describe the diff between u 2

"*[|i|Ý|iv3rêD]*" says: IM TALLER

*gurgle* She's so indignant about her height...

*chuckle* And she still remembers that Becky and I used to have difficulties telling her and Shan apart...

Ah, what memories they make....

the rain last fell @ 11:33 p.m., Sunday, July 7, 2002

I seriously think I'm losing my memory =X Met Angela and the 2 new(er) guys from Church Youth (Ok, they're like in Uni...)Can't remember their names >_< One of 'em lives on the same floor as me, and he said he's seen me around before, but never really was sure whether it was me...

Bloody unobservant, me.

Had tuition today, with sempai and kelvin. Kelvin's nice. Not many people can do tuition with me, and not go completely ballistic. (Even Yunxin gets pretty hysterical sometimes, yeah)And yah, I need a lot of work...=>_<= I think I pretty much traumatized kelvin? I dunno...I must gambatte! Cannot bai fei their xin xue...(One tuition session with me is a -lot- to ask of usually-nice people who have committed no heinous crimes).

Memory-like-sieve syndrome must cease.

the rain last fell @ 09:13 p.m., Sunday, July 7, 2002

I'm sorry, I never know what to say to make you feel better. -_-

Take care.

(The same old clichés. How many ways to tell you I care?)

the rain last fell @ 09:59 p.m., Saturday, July 6, 2002

Thank you for making me feel better. For telling me that you think I have a good voice, even if I'm a horribly croaky singer (the malay dancers can testify to that, anytime. ^^;). For telling me that you'll go shopping with me. (Even if you -do- tell me straight you're one of the rare few guys who'd bother to go shopping with girls. ^^;)You're a real rare breed, no doubt. *glomph*

I'm glad I can make you feel special/happy too, even if it's just a little.

*sings softly* "That's what friends are for.."

the rain last fell @ 10:40 p.m., Friday, July 5, 2002

Gen won first in solo ^_^

Lingzhi and I were saying we'd call on the Chinese and Italian mafia if she didn't...^^; She did well today, even if she -did- get only 2nd for the duet with lynette. Ah well, desmond and xi ju (spelling by ear here) -did- sing wu ding really nicely. I love that song ^_^

And I finished my 20 Integration questions too! ^_^ *inexplicable swell of pride in heart*

I was thinking...about layouts. *sheepish grin* Yeah, I know I need to learn a -lot- more html to do all I want, but a girl can dream, can't she? I was thinking of one with a picture, something like what sempai used to have, til she switched to the yaida hitomi pic (irrelevant note: It never seems to show up on my comp leh...=S). The one in muted shades of grey, from some fanfic? Summat like that. That kind of pic. And it'll have "La pluie tombe toujours" as the heading,a black background, and maybe something in English on the pic, if I can figure out how to do it...

"And the rain will fall forever, like the autumn leaves that twirl and make me dizzy with their colours.

Someone take my hand"

Or...I'll have one of those dancing cartoon-ish looking princesses from The Twelve Princesses. You know, the fairytale about the 12 princesses who flew off to dance each night, and whose father kept them in a locked room, which they always manged to escape from? And the only person who knew how to find their way of escape was a man who married the eldest princess in the end?

I always pitied the princesses.

They had to stop dancing because of 2 men. Their stupid father who made them marry the guy who found out their lovely secret, and the stupid man who had to find out the secret.

But that shan't appear on the picture of course, oh no no, lovey. Just a brightly-coloured picture perhaps, and a pastel or black background, with the heading "The Dancing Princess of Fullstop". (Inside joke...^^;)

Utterly clichéd and egoistic, as usual. Plus a feeling that my colour sense sucks as usual. But waddaheck. ^_^

the rain last fell @ 09:34 p.m., Friday, July 5, 2002

Guess who passed her Physics test? =D

For the first time in 7 months, I have passed a Physics test. A test which half the level failed (as usual). And it's a -respectable- pass, 16/25! That's a B4! ^__^ And Mrs Har even scribbled "Good" and said I did well!

Happiness is having your faith reaffirmed in Physics ^_^

the rain last fell @ 10:02 p.m., Thursday, July 4, 2002

Cool, just found out about The Broadway Kids, and it sounds so cool! Their recordings sound really professional and talented (they're 8-15 years old), d/l like crazy from Kazaa. ^^;

I can't do bearings >_< Maths test on Wed, uh-oh. But waddaheck.

*chuckle* "we repwesent the lollipop guild, the lollipop guild..." ^_^

Mock Exam results for lit are ok, got 23/25 for the passage-based ^_^ but only 19/25 for the essay, because I left out an entire chunk I didn't think was connected >_<; Mrs Vora didn't scold but I think she expected better than 19 from me.

Eep. E Maths is supposed to be easy, because it's E Maths, so if I don't do well...

*shrug* Blasé about failure already, I guess.

The more I look at you, the more similarities I find. I didn't realise there would be someone so like me, someone who suffered from the same insecurities, and hunger. Did I nurture it, unwittingly? (That's the Ego speaking again). Someone who can gild the hunger for power and influence with concern and words? Sensitive and selfish? Sentimental and able to be cruel? I can see so much of myself, and I know I didn't have to nurture it. It was there, like it was for me.

And I feel so much closer to you for it.

(We love ourselves so much, even the pale shadows are welcome.)

the rain last fell @ 09:06 p.m., Tuesday, July 2, 2002

Eee...my page looks awfully plain. >_<;; I'm so bad at this technology stuff...*ditzy look*

(not-so)irrelevant quote from Cheryl (who's won nearly 0+ from World Cup bets):"How many men are there in a football team?"

Yea, my class.

I passed french! B4, with 42.5/70, but hey, it's a 20 mark leap from my first controle! ^_^ So I'm not really good at it, but I love it too much to give up...*_^

I still have so much to do, I don't want to let go, just yet. I have so many plans, so many people to know better, so many things I want to do better, I can't go now. But I have to. I've got to let go, and just concentrate on the -O's- damn it.

And I love The Scarlet Pimpernel, whether it be the book or musical version!

the rain last fell @ 04:56 p.m., Saturday, June 29, 2002

I really should be getting offline. Feeling increasingly depressed and, and moony. Been mooching around on the net. It's like we'd hardly even started, before we had to stop. Only realised now that Zhi's nick last night was very fitting--"I never wanna say goodbye". Ok, didn't want to cry -yesterday-, but getting fretful today.Such a -baby- I can be sometimes. Just open your hand, and let go, damn it.

They have a way of worming into your heart. You think you won't miss them, but a day, or two, or three after, it hits you.

No more.

It's going to change.

*burrows into bed and pulls blanket over head*

If I can't see it, it can't see me.

the rain last fell @ 03:32 p.m., Sunday, June 23, 2002

Yay~ typed the committee list. Rui was freaking out today I think, after we went to discuss the votes...Gave her a hug after we came out, and Zhi one too.

Ok, not good, getting wee bit teary.

Baka Raining.

the rain last fell @ 11:51 p.m., Saturday, June 22, 2002

So...time to blog about farewell.

Sigh.

I didn't cry, nor even want to shed a tear. No, I'm not a cold-hearted selfish brat. I do appreciate all they did (which I shall gush about later), just that I didn't feel teary at all. Not at all like last year. Perhaps it's because I know we'll still see each other in school, so it hasn't hit me hard yet.

I was very touched by Zhiwen di's gift though. ^___^ An absolutely beautiful card, with a picture of a Malay dancer-silhouette on the front, and little stick figures in the various poses on the sides. He didn't use any glitter, but just gold and silver, with little stars etc, and it was so -beautiful-, and it touched me so much that he bothered to do such a thing, because the figures and the pop-up "farewell" inside must have taken quite some time to do, and also because he knows that the Malay dance meant so much to me, and it was my, my defining role in Kaleidoscope, and to a lot of people, my defining role as a performer, period. (I can't believe that I would end up being represented by a malay dance, of all items...*wry smile*)I don't think he did anything like that for anyone else too. ^_^

Spent the morning rushing around looking for a player for the Sec 2s and 3s (I thought -I- was supposed to take it easy? *shrug*), missing many of the speeches as a result. Bah. Then, we had the performance, and wowza, twasn't half bad at all! Zhi+Jia's group went